2016 in Review

So 2016, just wasn't a good year. Not for me. Not for my family. It may have been, just as bad as 2015. But I'm going to update you. On that craziness, that is 2016. Hoping to leave all that in the past. I'll put at least, three things that happened every month. Some months, will be much more...

January

1. My sweet pup and I, rang in the New Year together. Nice and quiet. Lots of phone calls, poured in...right after midnight.

2. It turned out to be a really tough month. Just my Mom and I, trying to get used to life without my Dad. 10 months after his passing, we really struggled.  

3. My Fun Mail for Kids Project, became a success! Tons of mail going out to the littles. This month, just really pushed things over the edge.

4. I filed paperwork, to return to work. Full time. In 6 months time. I had good intentions. That just didn't pan out.

February

1. I started having really tough talks, with this Guy. We're the best of friends. And truly want the best for one another. But this, was the beginning of the end...of US. Tough...but oh so necessary.

2. I started to notice little things about my Mom. She was more tired. Losing weight. Just not "with it."

3. I really noticed, that I began to look forward to my twice weekly lunch dates. With my Mom. We'd been doing this since August. But in February, I really started to look forward to them. Once in a while, I'd take the pups too. There are so many GREAT Dog Parks nearby. And after we'd eat, we'd take the pups to play.

4. We celebrated my Dad's first birthday in Heaven. IT. WAS. TOUGH!!! My Mom and I decorated his grave, had a mass for him, met with family...and friends. Ate breakfast together. And then, my Mom and I, cooked a HUGE meal for dinner. It was a tough day...

March

1. Our rescue pup, turned 2. And we had her a party. I know! I probably need some kids. But it was a fun day.

2. I turned a year older. No big deal. Or adventures. My Mom and I went to breakfast. And I enjoyed a low-key day. Just chilaxing.

3. We also faced my Dad's one year anniversary. Of his passing. Completely difficult! Just a day, before my birthday. We had a mass for him. A balloon release. And went to have breakfast at his favorite place. But it was a tough day. A beautiful day...but tough day.

4. It was an emotional month. Tough. In every single way, you can imagine. Somehow, we made it to the end.

April

1. My Mom really started to slow down. I knew something was wrong. But I just couldn't put my finger on it. And she refused to go to the doctor. Ugh!

2. We prepared for our 2nd Annual Fundraiser. Craziness all around! I swear, it almost didn't happen. But at the last minute, everything fell into place. And it was a success!

3. We went on a pilgrimage with the women in our family. Spiritually, it was just what we needed. Also, we enjoyed having a grown up sleepover. With some of my favorite ladies. And our little pups. Watching movies, laughing, and snacking.

4. Had another tough conversation with this Guy. On what should have been our anniversary. And knew, we both just needed to walk away. Clean break. Still friends. Wishing the best for each other. All that good stuff.

5. Also on that day, my grandma turned 86. And we helped her celebrate. With a fun dinner, and cake. A few family members, some staff from her nursing home, and some friends. It was all about making memories.

6. I'd also end up in the ER. With back issues. Then spend a few weeks, dealing with side effects from the shots I was given. It was horrible! I felt like I was 90 years old!

May

1. I surprised my Mom, with a little Birthday BBQ. Just us, and our pups. It was a lot of fun!

2. Celebrated a ton of new graduates! My family and friends. It was a BIG deal.

3. My family, including my Mom, headed to Colorado. They had a blast! I stayed home, hanging out with our pups. And dabbling, in going back to work full time. It was a nice break.

4. I campaigned away. For one of our neighbors. It was a blast! Wish I could have spent more time doing it. And I really wish he would have won. But I really enjoyed meeting so many new people.

5. I'd help this guy, pick out a ring. Now that he knew, I couldn't move forward. He was ready to move on. And I was so happy for him. In 2 months, he'd pop the question. By year's end, they'd be married.

June

1. My Mom went to California. With some family...on vacation. 2 weeks on the beach! What a life! Except, she got hurt...while they were out there. This would plague her for months. And lead to some life changing news.

2. I'd start selling at 2 local Growers' Markets. Man, I missed my buddies. Crazy how I only knew them for a short time, and I missed them so much. The laughter picked right up. And I met a cute, new 18 month old buddy!

3. I'd get some much needed time with my friends. Just relaxing. Taking in a concert, some movies, and lots of late night dinners. My bestie for life...and our friends from the hospital.

4. Crap had started with our mail being stolen. We'd had issues after my Dad's passing. But it really became a problem from April-June. Which lead to a whole issue...and having to see the Post Master. And changing our phone numbers, and all that good crap...

July

1. We'd start selling at another Grower's Market. Like 2 just wasn't enough. But honestly, this would quickly become my favorite market. The people were so amazing! I truly can't wait until July, when we return.

2. We were slowly adjusting to being a family of 2. With 2 pups. But we began to separate things. As I was still planning on moving. Boxes would be packed. We'd start to separate our dogs, on outings. We were planning...

3. We'd also spend the 4th of July...quietly, at home. It was like all these celebrations were just too much. And we needed time away from everyone. But it was good for us. And we still managed to enjoy hotdogs and hamburgers.

4. I'd also start a new business adventure. Completely inspired by my pup. And it would keep me quite busy!

5. We'd celebrate our friend's 85th Birthday. Such a blessing to have him in our lives. And to know his family. The entire day, was such a blessing.

August

1. My Mom would return to work. And I'd start slowing down at the Growers' Markets. Rotating which one I'd go to, each week. My Mom was just in so much pain. And so incredibly tired. I needed to be home, to help her out.

2. I'd continue to get things in order. For my move. But had a nagging feeling...that it wasn't going to happen. Sometimes, you just know things. There's no reasoning behind it.

3. It had been 4 months, since our whole mail issue had started. And nothing was resolved. Our mail was still going missing. And I'd also been locked out of certain Google accounts, Facebook, and some other things. Ugh!

 

 

 September

1. The pain was just too much for my Mom. And just after the holiday, we'd end up in the ER. My Mom would be diagnosed with leukemia. Our world would be rocked. And we wouldn't tell anyone...for months.

2. My Mom would not return back to work. She'd stay home. And an entirely new chapter, would begin. It was nuts! And she was in so much pain. All. The. TIME!

3. I'd send in some new FMLA paperwork. And talk to my supervisors. Yes, I'll be out of work for a while. How long? I have no clue.

4. My Mom would begin the important documents...Wills, Power of Attorney, DNR. All the stuff, that comes along with cancer. And I knew, I was exactly where I was meant to be. I would be her caregiver.

October

1. We'd get a second confirmation, that it is leukemia. We'd meet our oncologists. And I'd be drowning in paperwork. Spend hours and hours, on the phone with insurance companies. And spend more time, than you can think...on my knees praying.

2. A new routine would begin. My Mom slept a lot. Our pups and I, learned a new routine. Not much eating was happening. The house, suddenly needed to be cleaned from top to bottom. Because what else could I do with my time?

3. Our Growers' Market Family knew what was going on. And my sister. And my bestie. But no one else. My Mom just wasn't ready to talk about it. It was tough. A hard thing to shoulder. But I would do it, for her. Because she needed it.

4. We prepared for a local Dia de los Muertos Parade. Spent lots of hours, making decorations. Lots of family time. Lots of sewing. And there was getting all those skull crafts made. Oh, and an alter. It was a busy time.

5. On his birthday, this guy would call me. Unsure of his own future. With his soon-to-be bride. I think he was looking for reassurance. Oh, and he wanted to make sure, I hadn't made a mistake. Did I want to try this again? Finally, I spilled the beans. I told him about my Mom. As much as I love him, I love her. And I NEED to be here. Right here. And he totally understood. But I wasn't sure, that he was 100% ready, to move forward. I'd spend a good part, of the next 2 1/2 months, talking him into his nuptials.

6. I'd also postpone a planned fundraiser for our foundation. It was just too much to think about. With my Mom being sick, I just couldn't imagine it.

7. My puppy would turn 1. Yes, there would be a party. Just a small one. Princess Party, for my little Princess. My Mom was not feeling well. But we celebrated that little princess, like she was Princess Charlotte! Wow!

November

1. After a very quiet Halloween, my Mom would be in a crazy amount of pain. We'd end up in the ER. Again. But this time, I'd have to call family for help. And on the way to the ER, my Mom would finally tell her sisters. It was a shocker! From that point on, people slowly started to find out.

2. We'd do that entire Dia de los Muertos event. It was so much fun. But completely exhausting! It almost didn't happen. In less than a week's time, our family would cancel and reschedule it...5 times!

3. Sometime after the event, we'd decide to plan a fundraiser for my Mom. We weren't sure of details. But in less than 4 hours, the entire thing was planned. People were volunteering. The menu was planned. Decorations ordered. Tickets printed. Items donated for a raffle.

4. After the fundraiser was planned, we'd talk to my Mom. And finally, we'd let people know, she has cancer. It was a hard thing to do. And it would lead me, down another new path.

5. We'd plan on spending Thanksgiving at a few people's homes. In the end, we stayed with family. Because my grandma needed us. And the time. Thanksgiving seemed so emotional this year. Like this possibly, could be the last, with all these people. I was emotionally drained, by the time we got home...late that night.

December

1. I was exhausted! By the time December 1st rolled around, we'd done so many Craft Fairs, and shows...that I was just tired. Our stock was down. And I just wanted to rest. So many festivals were inviting us. And I just didn't have time, inventory, or energy. But we still managed 2-3 shows a weekend. It was nuts!

2. Our fundraising efforts were also in full swing. My family was selling tickets, left and right. Boxes of things, started arriving on our doorsteps. It was amazing to see all the love, for my Mom...pour in. We also learned real quick, who was going to be by our sides. Through this new journey.

3. We'd somehow, have a fundraiser. And 2 raffles. During December. It was nuts! Oh, and some online stuff too.

4. We'd also manage to squeeze in some Holiday Cheer. We went to 2 Tree Lightings, had dinner with family and friends a few times, attended our Family's Ornament Party, had lunch with some of my Mom's old students, enjoyed Christmas with friends, decorated my Dad's grave on Christmas Eve, spent a couple of hours with my brother and sister, hung lights, put up a tree, went shopping with family, and I spent some time in the ER again. This stupid back issue!

5. After months and months, my Mom was finally cleared for insurance. Stupid Obamacare. I HATE it! And I'd spend the last week of the year, calling doctors. Trying to set my Mom up, with appointments that she should have had...almost 4 months ago. But I'm hopeful.

It was a crazy year! So much has changed in the last 12 months. And so much, has stayed the same. I'm praying that 2017, is a much better year. That brings blessings. Always my Mom to heal. And get stronger. And also, allow us the time to process our grief. That's been the hardest part of this past year! Goodbye 2016. And all your problems. Hello 2017! And all your blessings. ❤

Tasty Tuesday #4: Slow-Cooker Buffalo Chicken Nachos

I will admit this here, and it shouldn't be much of a surprise, I'm a HUGE sports fan! I cheer for the Redskins, Red Sox, Spurs, Jeff Gordon, and a number of PBR Bull Riders. No lie!

And on any given Sunday, you will find my Mom and I relaxing, in front of the TV. Catching some sort of game, race, or rodeo. Munching on snacks. And crocheting. You see, we don't really eat a big meal. As much as we graze. On snacks. ALL. DAY. LONG!!!

But we're not the "typical" fan, eating Buffalo wings and drinking beer. No. We're more on the side of salsa and chips. Maybe some fresh fruit. Hello, anything in the slow cooker! Until this past Sunday. And Dr. Baseball came over. All of a sudden, our quiet household of 2, became a booming, household of 12. Watching the playoffs!

And because I hadn't been expecting anyone, I almost panicked. Then I got ahold of myself. And took to the internet. Where I found this recipe. Gooseberry Patch's Recipe of the Week!

Slow-Cooker Buffalo Chicken Nachos 

Ingredients:

1 lb. boneless, skinless chicken breasts garlic salt to taste salt and pepper to taste 12-oz. bottle buffalo wing sauce 1/2 c. ranch salad dressing 1/2 lb. pasteurized process cheese spread, cubed 10-oz. can diced tomatoes with green chiles 12-oz. pkg. tortilla chips Directions: Place chicken in a slow cooker; sprinkle with garlic salt, salt and pepper. Pour in enough buffalo wing sauce to cover chicken. Cover and cook on low setting until very tender, about 4 hours. Shred chicken with 2 forks and drain off any excess liquid. Stir in salad dressing. In a saucepan, combine cheese and tomatoes with green chiles. Cook and stir until cheese melts. Layer tortilla chips on a large serving plate. Spoon cheese sauce over chips; top with chicken. Serves 6 to 8.

You see, my Mom isn't a big fan of Buffalo chicken. I could go in either direction. But Dr. Baseball, and his parents, love the stuff! So does another friend, who happened to stop by. I actually cranked the slow cooker to high. And in about 90 minutes, the chicken was cooked. And it was yummy! You just have to watch it a bit more. I added a bit of chicken stock, so that it would stay moist and tender. Worked out great!

My Mom ate her nachos, without the chicken. She enjoyed them. The guys added the chicken to some hamburger buns, and went to town! It must have been good. Oh, I did double the recipe. It just seemed necessary for our crown. Another important bit. To cook it quicker, I started with raw chicken. Not frozen. Keep that in mind.

We also had a spread of guacamole, salsa, lots of yummy veggies, fruit, and some cookies that I'd baked on Saturday. There may have been some imported beer, Sangria, and Rootbeer floats. It was a great impromptu football day. With plenty of friends. And I lots of yummy food. Without losing my mind! ❤

Music Monday #4: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

It's crazy! This song reminds me of so many females, in my life. Young and old. All strong. Each one of them, wanting to have fun!

I think of my little Emma Grace. All the singing and dancing we'd do. Every single time, we heard this song. Yes, it became a "thing" in my circle of friends. And they'd make sure to play it, at every single wedding, birthday party, baptismo, get together, whatever.

Then Miss Abby started to love it. And her Nono, he would act just as silly as me. Because, that's what we do. To see those perfect little smiles.

I can also recall, many of my family members, young and old, loving this song! Dancing their hearts out. Being silly. And just having a good time. Let's not forget, all the times my country loving Daddy, would blast this for me. On our 2 minute ride to school! :)


Then this past weekend, we went to visit some friends. That have definitely turned into family. The kind, that you never saw coming. But oh, you get on your knees, and Thank God that they're in your life!

We went to see a new baby boy. Welcome him into the world. His big sister and I, well in her words, "We're besties for life!" And really, that is what I feel, for the almost 4 year old. Who stole my Dad's heart. And mine!

While I was sitting in her room, knee deep in Sofia the First Princess dolls and castles, she took my phone. To jam to YouTube. And that my friends, would lead me right back, to this song. It's just that kind of song. That puts a smile on your face. And a wiggle in your booty.

We danced around her room. And every single time it would stop, she would replay Girls Just Wanna Have Fun! By the end of our impromptu 4 hour play date, my bestie for life, was singing all the lyrics. On her microphone. As loud as she could. Baby brother, I'm sorry. But sometimes, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun! ❤

Thankful Thursday #2: That Guy

I've been thinking a lot lately. My life really does feel like, well like someone has thrown all the cards in the air. It wasn't that long ago, that I had a man at my side, that I truly thought I'd spend my life with. We talked about kiddos. Enjoyed our fur babies. Planned for a future. I traveled half the week with him. He spent his life, making mine better.

But life happened. All of a sudden, the fact that he lived across the country from my family, it mattered. His job, the one he couldn't leave, it became a tough place. Something we had never faced before. And my Dad's health, well it was #1 on both our lists...

So I came home. To take care of my Dad. Slowly I began that process. That letting go. I don't think HE saw it coming. In fact, I know he didn't. I went through three homes, nearby, that he had bought. At the time, and in fact if you asked him right now, he'd tell you he bought them for me. So we would have a place to be. And I could spend time with my family.

I went through those homes. Took my personal things. And packed up the rest. Slowly. It was a process. One that took a while. One that I did painstakingly, through the wee hours of the night. And one day, I made that tough call. He came. And we had that heartbreaking talk.

The one thing I will say, is that he completely understood. He had lost his dad. Suddenly, without any kind of warning. And he totally got it. Why I needed to be home. Why my Dad needed me. Why at this point of my life, I needed to be home. He got it. Didn't agree with parting ways. But he understood.

For months, I know he hounded my besties. He wanted to make sure I was a OK. He followed my social media. Which I was doing a horrible job at keeping up. He was sending me encouraging text messages. But we didn't talk. Life was just going 100 miles an hour.

A lot has happened since. My Dad's passing, being the toughest, and hardest transition. He gave me time. We are taking years here. He gave me time! The time I needed to grief. He UNDERSTOOD, every single second. He had been there before. He knew what I needed.

And when the time was right, he called. Then came to visit. Then held me, as I completely crumbled. Because the thing is, the love didn't die. Like it never died between me, and Dr. Baseball. It just changed. But the love was still there.

Today, I have a best friend. That I can just send a simple text to, and he knows my life is completely in a tailspin. At the same time, we can have a twitter convo, for 3 hours, in the middle of the night. Or we can FaceTime some ridiculous comical hour. That has my sides hurting, because we laugh that hard.

It's crazy where life takes us. How relationships can completely change. I'll be the first person to admit, when I'm uncomfortable, I walk away. I build walls, so people never get to know me. I'm the kind of woman, that is quiet, and comfortable with being independent.

But I will admit this. I NEED people too. Even if I don't want to admit it. I NEED them! Like I need oxygen to breathe. And I'm very lucky, to have friends, that fight to stay in my life. No matter the circumstance. They fight. And I'm lucky!

2015 taught me so much! If you've been hanging around these parts, than you know that much! But I look at 2016 as a rebirth. My Mom and I, are slowly learning to live without my Dad. The toughest thing, I'll ever have to experience. Life is so different.

Eventually, I'll have to make the decision, of what's next. You know, I still dream of getting married. And one day having babies. Lots of babies! I know. I even shock myself sometimes. But this year, is making those other tough decisions.

Do I stay in my hometown? Stay close, to take care of my Mom. Buy a home near the hospital. And start my next chapter, working for this hospital, that is so dear to my heart. Do I move back, to my home. The community that welcomed me, with open arms. To my home. Nearly 15 years ago, I moved there. And I fell in love! Or do I chase after dreams. That were once so vivid! And move across the country?

I'm not sure. And that's were January 2016 finds me. Making those decisions. I'm still not really back to work. I do a lot of virtual stuff, for a few hospitals. I fill in at the DOH, a local hospital, and do some community education. Enough to keep my credentials current. But not enough, to really solidify things.

But that's OK. It's been a tough couple of years. When you look at it, not long ago, I had my life mapped out. With the people I wanted. These days, it's putting the puzzle together. Hanging on tight. Listening to my gut. Not taking crap from other people. Mostly, praying on my knees every single night. I know, my Dear Lord wouldn't bring me to it. If he could help me through it.

So 2016, it's me and you. Making these tough decisions. Deciding which way to go. Eventually, life won't feel so crazy. And the millions of years you went to school, won't feel like a total waste. And one day, you'll have your own family. And you'll look back at this time, and think, I made it. No matter what anyone else said. I MADE IT!!! And I have a pretty amazing best friend! ❤

Happy New Year!!!

Well, it was different from last year. More like in years past. But what can I say? It was nice to have a quiet night. Sitting up with my puppy. Watching the ball drop. My Mom and her pup, fast asleep! Happy 2016!!!

The last few years have been tough. Last year, was the worst! I'm looking to 2016, with a glimmer of hope. To change. And to grow. It will definitely be a year of healing. And a year of new beginnings.

To begin with, I'm going to jot down a few things to work on. Maybe more than a few. Something like 32. Since I'm 32.

 1. Take time for myself. At least once a month, have a massage, go get my hair cut, go shopping, sleep until noon, go out to dinner with friends. Something. Anything. Just for myself. And not feel guilty about it.

 2. Take my Mom out on a Mom/Daughter Date, once a month. Something out of our new "normal." My parents used to go out to eat twice a day. Now, I cook almost 100% of the time. So maybe going out to dinner. Or a movie. Perhaps to the museum, or a concert. Maybe a fun day, in a different part of town. Or a day trip. We like day trips. With no real agenda. Just flying by the seat of our pants. Is there any other way?

 3. Be healthy. Simple. I'm not a diet kind of person. I'm not a gym rat. I just want to make better decisions. There was a time, when I measured and weighed all my food. I worked out for at least 3 hours a day. But that was no life. The last year especially, I was just surviving. Stuffing anything into my mouth. And most of my exercise came from running stairs in the middle of the night, while my Dad slept in his hospital room.

 4. Finish my WIPs. If you are at all crafty, you know what I mean. I have so many! I just want to sit and finish them up. At least most of them. Before I start more...

 5. Set up "Family Time." At least once a month, put together a dinner, or activity. For my family. Just to hang out and have fun. We got into a nice little rhythm, during the last 4 months of the year. Game night, family dinners, little parties, parade fun, and trips to the movies. I want to really get this together. One month for the adults. The next for the kiddos. And not just family. Friends too!

 6. Be more open to life. Just in general. Get it together. Appreciate new experiences. Try new things. Talk to more people. Just enjoy things, as they are happening. Don't look at my friends, like they are crazy. Because they are trying to set me up on a date. Go for it! What do you have to loose?

 7. Get back into music. I miss it! At one point, I was in a Girls' Group, a Country Western Band, a Tejano Band, the Symphony, the Opera, a Trio, and a Mariachi. These days, I sing my heart out at home. But I miss performing. I had some pretty horrible experiences in my hometown. But I have to get over it. And try it again. Maybe take up a cycle in the opera. I LOVE the Opera! Or call up the Girls. Can we put together a show again? Maybe try a local Mariachi. Would they even take me serious?

 8. Get ready. You know the drill. When my Dad was sick, I was lucky to get a shower in the morning. I was his primary caregiver. I lived in sweats. Let's be honest, if no one was coming over, and it was a bad day...PJs it was! Sweats was like dressing up. And forget it...leggings is what I wore to go out. You know, to the doctor, or another appointment. Makeup and actually doing my hair...didn't exist! Do you know, I had to go out and buy these things after my Dad passed. Because I had no clue, what I did with my hair straightener, lipstick, heck I couldn't even find a decent pair of shoes. So just getting up and putting on some jeans. Maybe a sweater. Perhaps some mascara, moisturizer, and lipgloss.

 9. With that, polishing my nails. I have way too much nail polish. For any one soul. It has ALWAYS been a guilty pleasure of mine. Now I need to put it to use. Pull it out. And polish my nails. At least once a week!

10. Be more available. I feel like I cut people off. Part of it is, I'm shy by nature. But really, it's not the only reason. I don't return calls. I skim over e-mails...from family and friends. I rarely check other people's social media. I need to reconnect. Get connected to the people around me. Call a friend. Meet someone for coffee. Go out to dinner with my friends.

11. Get a schedule. I guess for so long, life was just completely chaotic. There really was no schedule. It was all about surviving. Really, it was! And these days, I find myself a bit lost. I need to sit down, and get a schedule going. I thrive on organization. And I need to go back to it.

12. Explore my hometown. Maybe we can even extend that to my home state. Over the last couple of months, my Mom and I have ventured out a bit more. Done things that we've always been curious about. I want to keep that up. Trying something new, at least once a month! Man, there are incredible places to visit. Just right outside our door!

13. Leave them behind. And what I really mean is, forget about that part of the family. The ones that keep trying to hurt my Mom and I. Things will never change. And it's just not worth the time, or energy, to try and keep this family together. I just need to realize, blended families don't always make it. It's sad. But they just don't. And this part of the family never accepted us. It's OK. We need to just cut our losses, and move on!

14. Help my Mom. You know, my Dad did almost everything. When he couldn't, he taught me. And I did it. Now, it's time to help my Mom. Maneuver through paying bills, and taxes. I need to teach her all the basic things, of day-to-day life. The stuff my Dad took care of. And help her get things settled. My Dad didn't have a will. And he had a business. And there are a ton of loose ends, that need to be dealt with. We need to get it done, in 2016.

15. Enjoy the mountains. My parents had property in the mountains. It's been forever since we've been out there. For all sorts of reasons. I want to help my Mom get those affairs in order. And start enjoying the place. It's beautiful there! And so peaceful. A great place for friends and family to gather.

16. Start changing up the house. You know, organize it. Get rid of stuff that isn't ours. You'd be shocked at how much stuff, my parents kept for my siblings. It's time to make the house, some place that my Mom enjoys. Turning that old dining room, into a nice craft room. Or media room. Just doing projects, that need to be done. Like changing faucets.

17. Dealing with the business stuff. Like I said, there are a ton of loose ends. It's time to work on those. Cleaning the office out. Getting rid of old files. Figuring out logistics with the district. Getting that all worked through. It's a lot. Especially since our bookkeeper also died...

18. Take more pictures. I fail at this miserably. I hate to take pictures. I don't like how I look. I don't like to haul around a camera. Or my iPad. But now I have an iPhone. It's time to capture memories. I look at my old phone a lot! A LOT!!! And I cherish those moments, that I captured. Of my Dad. In better times. Smiling. And even in his last days. Those precious moments, between he and my Mom.

19. Start a Super Club. Or even a Recipe Club. I miss this most. When I lived at my home, I was very involved. My friends and I enjoyed this so much! Just hanging out. Enjoying a delicious meal. And making things beautiful, for just hanging out. I really want to try that here. Let me know, if you're interested.

20. Get closer to God. I have ALWAYS leaned on our dear Lord. But with troubling times, sometimes we waiver. Sometimes our connection feels, rocked a bit. I want to get back to that connection I once had. When I lived alone, I felt the closest to God. So connected. I want to get back to that.

21. Journaling. There is something about sitting down, and writing your thoughts. Pen to paper. Just for you. Letting your brain "vomit" every single thing out. I want to start doing this again. Daily.

22. Reading. I am a book junky. No lie! It started when I was 2 years old. My Dad was no help! I was every single teachers, favorite student. I bought ever single book, in every single book order. I was in countless book clubs. And the addiction only got worse, the older I got. I NEED to get back to reading. Any good book suggestions?

23. Traveling. There was a time, when I traveled. A LOT!!! Let's say, 5 days out of the week, were on the road. No lie! I miss it. OK, maybe not living out of a suitcase. But I miss seeing new places. the adventure of it. I want to try and plan a couple of trips this year. Nothing fancy. Just get out and go!

24. Make my bedroom, my sanctuary. There was a time, when I felt like my bedroom was just for me. A soft place to land, in a hard world. When I lived alone, it was my space. For me. Things completely changed, when I moved back to my hometown. It's time to do that again. Make me a beautiful space.

25. Plan something for my Daddy. I don't know. Maybe a birthday party for him. Or a celebration of life, for his First Anniversary. Maybe make his fundraiser a BIG deal. Just something. I need to get moving on this!

26. Figure out my job situation. I went to school for a million years. Just as my career was taking off, I came home. I worked enough, just enough, to keep my credentials. Now I'm not sure if it's what I want to do. It doesn't have the same flair, it once did. I feel myself, being pulled in other directions. I need to explore this a bit. Make those tough decisions.

27. Have fun. I need to not take life, so seriously. I need to stop looking over my shoulder. My siblings are crazy. But I need to live. I need to laugh. And be silly. I need to dance. And sing. And play with my new puppy. I just need to be me.

28. Save money. When I say, I drained every penny, from every one of my bank accounts...I'm not lying. It was necessary. To take care of my Dad. For his funeral. To get his business, to the finish line. Now, I need to start saving again. Daddy didn't raise no idiot. There will be another rainy day. I need to be ready.

29. Decide where I'm going to live. Will it be my hometown? To take care of my Mom. Will it be for a year? And I continue to live with her. Will it be longer? And I decide to buy a house here. Will I go home? And pick up the pieces of my life. Or will I move across the country. And continue to chase my dreams. I need to figure this out.

30. Be more giving. Of my time, talents, and money. I have lots of life experiences, that can benefit others. Maybe in terms of continuing with the Support Groups. Maybe volunteering. It's a new chapter of life. And I just want to give back.

31. Get another puppy. A little one, to be buddies with my baby. Or two big dogs, to protect us. This will depend on where I live. But another dog is in my not so distant future...

32. Heal. I just need to allow myself to heal. To grieve. Not to rush anything. To take it, a day at a time. To enjoy the memories. Let the tears flow. And continue with the process.

So there you go. A long list. But heck, we have 12 months! 52 weeks. 365 days. I'm sure to get through it all. And if I don't, it's OK too. Life always has some lesson to teach you. Enjoy the ride! Happy 2016!!! ❤