2016 in Review

So 2016, just wasn't a good year. Not for me. Not for my family. It may have been, just as bad as 2015. But I'm going to update you. On that craziness, that is 2016. Hoping to leave all that in the past. I'll put at least, three things that happened every month. Some months, will be much more...

January

1. My sweet pup and I, rang in the New Year together. Nice and quiet. Lots of phone calls, poured in...right after midnight.

2. It turned out to be a really tough month. Just my Mom and I, trying to get used to life without my Dad. 10 months after his passing, we really struggled.  

3. My Fun Mail for Kids Project, became a success! Tons of mail going out to the littles. This month, just really pushed things over the edge.

4. I filed paperwork, to return to work. Full time. In 6 months time. I had good intentions. That just didn't pan out.

February

1. I started having really tough talks, with this Guy. We're the best of friends. And truly want the best for one another. But this, was the beginning of the end...of US. Tough...but oh so necessary.

2. I started to notice little things about my Mom. She was more tired. Losing weight. Just not "with it."

3. I really noticed, that I began to look forward to my twice weekly lunch dates. With my Mom. We'd been doing this since August. But in February, I really started to look forward to them. Once in a while, I'd take the pups too. There are so many GREAT Dog Parks nearby. And after we'd eat, we'd take the pups to play.

4. We celebrated my Dad's first birthday in Heaven. IT. WAS. TOUGH!!! My Mom and I decorated his grave, had a mass for him, met with family...and friends. Ate breakfast together. And then, my Mom and I, cooked a HUGE meal for dinner. It was a tough day...

March

1. Our rescue pup, turned 2. And we had her a party. I know! I probably need some kids. But it was a fun day.

2. I turned a year older. No big deal. Or adventures. My Mom and I went to breakfast. And I enjoyed a low-key day. Just chilaxing.

3. We also faced my Dad's one year anniversary. Of his passing. Completely difficult! Just a day, before my birthday. We had a mass for him. A balloon release. And went to have breakfast at his favorite place. But it was a tough day. A beautiful day...but tough day.

4. It was an emotional month. Tough. In every single way, you can imagine. Somehow, we made it to the end.

April

1. My Mom really started to slow down. I knew something was wrong. But I just couldn't put my finger on it. And she refused to go to the doctor. Ugh!

2. We prepared for our 2nd Annual Fundraiser. Craziness all around! I swear, it almost didn't happen. But at the last minute, everything fell into place. And it was a success!

3. We went on a pilgrimage with the women in our family. Spiritually, it was just what we needed. Also, we enjoyed having a grown up sleepover. With some of my favorite ladies. And our little pups. Watching movies, laughing, and snacking.

4. Had another tough conversation with this Guy. On what should have been our anniversary. And knew, we both just needed to walk away. Clean break. Still friends. Wishing the best for each other. All that good stuff.

5. Also on that day, my grandma turned 86. And we helped her celebrate. With a fun dinner, and cake. A few family members, some staff from her nursing home, and some friends. It was all about making memories.

6. I'd also end up in the ER. With back issues. Then spend a few weeks, dealing with side effects from the shots I was given. It was horrible! I felt like I was 90 years old!

May

1. I surprised my Mom, with a little Birthday BBQ. Just us, and our pups. It was a lot of fun!

2. Celebrated a ton of new graduates! My family and friends. It was a BIG deal.

3. My family, including my Mom, headed to Colorado. They had a blast! I stayed home, hanging out with our pups. And dabbling, in going back to work full time. It was a nice break.

4. I campaigned away. For one of our neighbors. It was a blast! Wish I could have spent more time doing it. And I really wish he would have won. But I really enjoyed meeting so many new people.

5. I'd help this guy, pick out a ring. Now that he knew, I couldn't move forward. He was ready to move on. And I was so happy for him. In 2 months, he'd pop the question. By year's end, they'd be married.

June

1. My Mom went to California. With some family...on vacation. 2 weeks on the beach! What a life! Except, she got hurt...while they were out there. This would plague her for months. And lead to some life changing news.

2. I'd start selling at 2 local Growers' Markets. Man, I missed my buddies. Crazy how I only knew them for a short time, and I missed them so much. The laughter picked right up. And I met a cute, new 18 month old buddy!

3. I'd get some much needed time with my friends. Just relaxing. Taking in a concert, some movies, and lots of late night dinners. My bestie for life...and our friends from the hospital.

4. Crap had started with our mail being stolen. We'd had issues after my Dad's passing. But it really became a problem from April-June. Which lead to a whole issue...and having to see the Post Master. And changing our phone numbers, and all that good crap...

July

1. We'd start selling at another Grower's Market. Like 2 just wasn't enough. But honestly, this would quickly become my favorite market. The people were so amazing! I truly can't wait until July, when we return.

2. We were slowly adjusting to being a family of 2. With 2 pups. But we began to separate things. As I was still planning on moving. Boxes would be packed. We'd start to separate our dogs, on outings. We were planning...

3. We'd also spend the 4th of July...quietly, at home. It was like all these celebrations were just too much. And we needed time away from everyone. But it was good for us. And we still managed to enjoy hotdogs and hamburgers.

4. I'd also start a new business adventure. Completely inspired by my pup. And it would keep me quite busy!

5. We'd celebrate our friend's 85th Birthday. Such a blessing to have him in our lives. And to know his family. The entire day, was such a blessing.

August

1. My Mom would return to work. And I'd start slowing down at the Growers' Markets. Rotating which one I'd go to, each week. My Mom was just in so much pain. And so incredibly tired. I needed to be home, to help her out.

2. I'd continue to get things in order. For my move. But had a nagging feeling...that it wasn't going to happen. Sometimes, you just know things. There's no reasoning behind it.

3. It had been 4 months, since our whole mail issue had started. And nothing was resolved. Our mail was still going missing. And I'd also been locked out of certain Google accounts, Facebook, and some other things. Ugh!

 

 

 September

1. The pain was just too much for my Mom. And just after the holiday, we'd end up in the ER. My Mom would be diagnosed with leukemia. Our world would be rocked. And we wouldn't tell anyone...for months.

2. My Mom would not return back to work. She'd stay home. And an entirely new chapter, would begin. It was nuts! And she was in so much pain. All. The. TIME!

3. I'd send in some new FMLA paperwork. And talk to my supervisors. Yes, I'll be out of work for a while. How long? I have no clue.

4. My Mom would begin the important documents...Wills, Power of Attorney, DNR. All the stuff, that comes along with cancer. And I knew, I was exactly where I was meant to be. I would be her caregiver.

October

1. We'd get a second confirmation, that it is leukemia. We'd meet our oncologists. And I'd be drowning in paperwork. Spend hours and hours, on the phone with insurance companies. And spend more time, than you can think...on my knees praying.

2. A new routine would begin. My Mom slept a lot. Our pups and I, learned a new routine. Not much eating was happening. The house, suddenly needed to be cleaned from top to bottom. Because what else could I do with my time?

3. Our Growers' Market Family knew what was going on. And my sister. And my bestie. But no one else. My Mom just wasn't ready to talk about it. It was tough. A hard thing to shoulder. But I would do it, for her. Because she needed it.

4. We prepared for a local Dia de los Muertos Parade. Spent lots of hours, making decorations. Lots of family time. Lots of sewing. And there was getting all those skull crafts made. Oh, and an alter. It was a busy time.

5. On his birthday, this guy would call me. Unsure of his own future. With his soon-to-be bride. I think he was looking for reassurance. Oh, and he wanted to make sure, I hadn't made a mistake. Did I want to try this again? Finally, I spilled the beans. I told him about my Mom. As much as I love him, I love her. And I NEED to be here. Right here. And he totally understood. But I wasn't sure, that he was 100% ready, to move forward. I'd spend a good part, of the next 2 1/2 months, talking him into his nuptials.

6. I'd also postpone a planned fundraiser for our foundation. It was just too much to think about. With my Mom being sick, I just couldn't imagine it.

7. My puppy would turn 1. Yes, there would be a party. Just a small one. Princess Party, for my little Princess. My Mom was not feeling well. But we celebrated that little princess, like she was Princess Charlotte! Wow!

November

1. After a very quiet Halloween, my Mom would be in a crazy amount of pain. We'd end up in the ER. Again. But this time, I'd have to call family for help. And on the way to the ER, my Mom would finally tell her sisters. It was a shocker! From that point on, people slowly started to find out.

2. We'd do that entire Dia de los Muertos event. It was so much fun. But completely exhausting! It almost didn't happen. In less than a week's time, our family would cancel and reschedule it...5 times!

3. Sometime after the event, we'd decide to plan a fundraiser for my Mom. We weren't sure of details. But in less than 4 hours, the entire thing was planned. People were volunteering. The menu was planned. Decorations ordered. Tickets printed. Items donated for a raffle.

4. After the fundraiser was planned, we'd talk to my Mom. And finally, we'd let people know, she has cancer. It was a hard thing to do. And it would lead me, down another new path.

5. We'd plan on spending Thanksgiving at a few people's homes. In the end, we stayed with family. Because my grandma needed us. And the time. Thanksgiving seemed so emotional this year. Like this possibly, could be the last, with all these people. I was emotionally drained, by the time we got home...late that night.

December

1. I was exhausted! By the time December 1st rolled around, we'd done so many Craft Fairs, and shows...that I was just tired. Our stock was down. And I just wanted to rest. So many festivals were inviting us. And I just didn't have time, inventory, or energy. But we still managed 2-3 shows a weekend. It was nuts!

2. Our fundraising efforts were also in full swing. My family was selling tickets, left and right. Boxes of things, started arriving on our doorsteps. It was amazing to see all the love, for my Mom...pour in. We also learned real quick, who was going to be by our sides. Through this new journey.

3. We'd somehow, have a fundraiser. And 2 raffles. During December. It was nuts! Oh, and some online stuff too.

4. We'd also manage to squeeze in some Holiday Cheer. We went to 2 Tree Lightings, had dinner with family and friends a few times, attended our Family's Ornament Party, had lunch with some of my Mom's old students, enjoyed Christmas with friends, decorated my Dad's grave on Christmas Eve, spent a couple of hours with my brother and sister, hung lights, put up a tree, went shopping with family, and I spent some time in the ER again. This stupid back issue!

5. After months and months, my Mom was finally cleared for insurance. Stupid Obamacare. I HATE it! And I'd spend the last week of the year, calling doctors. Trying to set my Mom up, with appointments that she should have had...almost 4 months ago. But I'm hopeful.

It was a crazy year! So much has changed in the last 12 months. And so much, has stayed the same. I'm praying that 2017, is a much better year. That brings blessings. Always my Mom to heal. And get stronger. And also, allow us the time to process our grief. That's been the hardest part of this past year! Goodbye 2016. And all your problems. Hello 2017! And all your blessings. ❤

Thankful Thursday #6: Church Family

There are days. And there are times, when we feel so alone. On an island. So far away. No one seems to relate to you. To understand, what you are going through. Nobody, really wants to know.

Then you go somewhere, you have gone for years. And you see these people, that you see weekly. All of a sudden, they become your "comfort zone." That place you fall, when you just can't go, any further. Our Church Family has become just that...

They are more than just the people we see weekly. The ones we pray with. And give peace to. The people we wave to. And smile at. They watch us every single week. The struggles we've carried. The pain on our face. And the sorrow, in our eyes.

We've ALWAYS gone to church. We've known certain people. Really well. For years and years. And others, we would just see at church. Wave at them. Smile. Give peace to. But we never knew their names. Never really talked to them. We knew very little about them.

And they were there, for my Mom and I, when no one else was. It was a struggle. The first time we went to church, after my Dad's passing. It had been just over 36 hours. Nothing felt right. Life was a blur. And all we did was cry...

Everything reminded us, of my Dad. And complete strangers, came and sat next to us. Held us. Let us cry. Comforted us. Prayed for us...

Before we knew it, people were taking us under their wings. Protecting us, as best as they could. They were living out God's words. The things we heard every week, in church. Now, they were living it.

And it has honestly, been such a comfort, every single week...to go to church. There are still tears. There is still a feeling of loss. And of heartache. But we are surrounded by the most AMAZING people!

We now see, lots of these people, during the week. Out in the community. Or they come by the house. On the bad days, they are comforting. Or like our deacon, try and make us smile. They have brought us food. Offered to help with yard work. And mostly, prayed for us.

It's funny. Really it is. Growing up, I always thought, going to church made our family stronger. It made us closer. It helped our love, flourish. But in reality, we were making our church stronger. Our faith made us strong. But our family, has made our church, such a strong and beautiful place.

You see, a church, is just a building. It's a place people go to worship. But when people are not there, it's just a building. It's the families, that go there, that make it strong. It's all the time, love, and prayer, that people put in, that make it such a strong place.

And somehow, all that work we put into the church...for all those years, is coming back to us. In terms of, people who love and care about us. If we miss a day at church, they are concerned. They come and look for us. If they notice, something is wrong, they try to make it right. They are always looking out for us.

And honestly, through this entire journey, it's been our church family...that has held us together. During my Dad's illness, they prayed for us. Our priest would visit us regularly. When we'd go to church, they'd help us. Hold the door open. Get my Dad into church. Give a reassuring hug.

Over the last few months, it's been about care, comfort, and compassion. Something that our own family, has not shown us. Just goes to show, how close we really are. To these people, that we sit and pray with, every Sunday.

During the last 10 months, we've become more involved in church. We've gone on pilgrimages. Donated more time, to church. Become more involved. Supported the various groups. And in return, have become closer to these people. And to God.

It's not always easy. Life is hard. Losing loved ones, is almost impossible, to deal with. But God provides us, with exactly, what we need. Exactly, when we need it.

There are still familiar faces, with no names attached to them. But there are so many supportive hugs. Nice conversations. And so much prayer, that little things like names, don't matter. I truly, Thank God, for our Church Family! ❤

Music Monday #6: Humble and Kind

Do you ever hear a song, and it just stops you? Dead in your tracks. Gives you chills. You think, they were reading my mind. Hey, this song feels so familiar. Yet, you know, you've never heard it before.

I felt that way, just this past week. I heard "Humble and Kind." For the first time. On my way to see a patient. I literally had to pull over, onto the side of the road. It hit me that hard! And I just sat there, and listened. Silently, the tears fell. And I had goosebumps, everywhere!

This song, reminded me, of all those lessons I was taught as a child. The values that my family, was instilling, in me. The words reminded me, of my Daddy. Of a chapter of struggle. These simple words, reminded me of the struggles, that I'm currently carrying. It reminded me, that no matter what I'm facing, there is always a humbling moment.


"Don't hold a grudge or a chip, and here's why. Bitterness keeps you from flyin'." Words I need to remember. I need to write them down, and keep them close. Hard times, many times, makes people hard. And I don't want to be, that kind of person. I don't want to be bitter in life. I want to soar. I want to make the world, a better place.

Just sit and listen to these words. Or read over the lyrics. It really is a beautiful song. I enjoy country music, for this reason. There is such meaning, behind the music. And Tim McGraw, is just one of those artists, that gives even more to his music. His music, has inspired me, so many times.

"Be humble and kind." Words spoken, from my Daddy, many times. More than I could count. It was his way of life. Never forgetting where he came from. Or the people that helped him get there. Never holding a grudge. Or harming others. Always knowing, there was good to be done, in this world. ❤

Wishful Wednesday #5: Wellies

Wellies. Rain boots. Rubber boots. Galoshes. Garden boots. Whatever you call them, I LOVE them! Always have. And probably always will! There is something about them, that brings a smile to my face.

I first remember wellies, when I was a small kid. I used to help my grandpa, with his big garden. It was a HUGE task! My grandpa, was in his 80s, lived in the mountains, and insisted on a big garden! So all 6 years of me, would go help him. And he always insisted, we wear our rubber boots.

My grandpa would put on his overalls, plaid shirt, and rubber boots. He bought me a pair, at K-Mart. They were bright yellow. And I'd put them on, with my little short set. And we'd head out. We'd work on the garden for hours. Praying before we did work. Working hard, until lunchtime. Then we'd sit under a tree, and eat lunch, while listening to Paul Harvey. We did this every single day, during the summer. Afternoons were for relaxing, playing, and feeding the animals.

Then when I went to college, and had my own HUGE yard to manage, I went back to my wellie ways. I went to Target, and bought me a pair. With hearts, all over them! Every single time, I worked in the yard, I wore them. My neighbors thought I was nuts! 110 degrees, yoga pants, and wellies. :)

In October 2014, my Dad might have convinced a nurse to help him. Order me a pair of blue wellies. From his hospital bed. Just because! And I LOVE them! I might have started wearing them, because it sprinkled outside. Then when the snow hit. Now, I just wear them because, well I want to. With jeans. To the grocery store. Yup, I'm that lady.

And I wanted to share my love with you. It doesn't matter your price point. There is something out there for you! Promise! Yes, we probably all dream about the expensive ones. But there are more affordable pairs. That are so fun to wear!

This first pair, is more affordable. $40. From the Gardener's Supply Company. Definitely a gardener's type of wellie. A little fun and funky. Last week, they had the perfect polka dot pair. Sadly, they are now sold out!

Can we stop? For just a moment, and take them all in! Navy. Pink. Polka Dots. Hello lover! These are amazing! The Joules Molly Welly, are $58 at Back Country. They are currently having a sale. And I am really struggling, to not buy these! Seriously, they are sitting in my cart right this minute.

They are a nice classic, navy color. With just enough pink, to make them fun. And interesting. Those polka dots, they have my heart! No questions asked! And the little buckles, give the boots a sense of charm. Grace. And luxury.

These boots, I've seen a variety of styles, that are a close match. At all price points. With a little more pink, a slightly larger buckle, maybe a bow. But these are the ones, that keep calling my name. Again, a Joules product. This time, found at Target. For $75.

Like I said, I saw a variety of similar boots, from $20-200. It just depends on your taste. And where you decide to buy them. But honestly, these stripped boots, would be timeless. And would add just a bit of whimsy, to any outfit! I wouldn't mind getting a pair, for Love Day!

This next pair is also from Target. They are fun and funky. Love those little chickens. Makes me think, of all the time, I spent with my grandparents growing up. Working on the garden, feeding animals, and having fun! This pair is also by Joules, and comes in at $75.

The last pair, is by far, the most expensive. At $150. But is probably the best made pair, of the bunch. Hunter boots. Oh my goodness! Looking at their website, just makes me happy. So many pretty colors! Thundercloud, this lavender color, is my favorite! Maybe I'll win the lottery or something...

These are similar to the ones my Dad bought me. Except mine are dark blue. And, cost a fraction of the price. He got them on some deal, on one of the various "Morning Shows," we used to watch. But they are super comfy! And so warm! They also go, with just about anything in your closet. I may have worn mine, with a Summer Dress, this past Spring. :)

My only suggestion is, find some fun socks. Long socks. Boot socks preferably. But I feel this way, about any pair of boots, that you might throw on. Your feet will stay nice and warm. And dry, in a pair of wellies.

And don't just look at the price. I say this all the time. Shop your local stores. Go where you usually go to shop. I've purchased wellies, at Target. And K-Mart. Both for around $20. I've shopped e-Bay. And found some good quality, brand new wellies, for $15. I've purchased them online, at various stores. With online coupons. For anywhere between $20-200. They are all amazing!

Yes, I might have a wellie problem. It might have taken me, a week, to write this post. I kept getting distracted, by the endless possibilities! But really, they are a fun addition, to any outfit. At anytime of the year. And honestly, at any price point.

Go out. Take a look around. And buy a pair. They're not just for working in the yard. Or rainy days. Heck, pull on a pair of shorts, or your favorite summer dress. And add a little fun, to your outfit! ❤

Music Monday #5: Be Not Afraid

I'm a very religious person! It really has carried me, through some of the toughest times. Some of my darkest days. And through some of life's biggest struggles. I've ALWAYS leaned on my Lord. He is my rock, my salvation, my BFF!

And during the difficult days, of my Dad's illness, there was no one, I leaned on more. I'm so glad, my parents, helped me to form this relationship. It really carried me, through those dark days. As I watched my Dad, slowly going to be with our Lord, I needed my BFF!

My Dad became so close to our Lord, in his last year. He'd ALWAYS had a good relationship with our Lord. He LOVED going to church. He praised God. Sang in church. And ALWAYS listened so closely, to God's words. I can still see him in church. Hands held tightly together, eyes closed, deep in prayer.

In the days following my Dad's passing, it was a real struggle. My Dad went to be with our Lord, on a Friday night. Life was a blur. My birthday, the following day. It didn't matter to me. But on Sunday morning, my Mom and I, woke up. Bright and early. And headed to church.

I sat in my Dad's seat. It is where I felt closest to him. And still do! We cried. The. Entire. Time! We met friends, that had prayed for us. People that we didn't know by name. But they had helped us, talked to us, and prayed for us...for years! All of a sudden, they were there to catch us. As we were falling, they were catching us!

It's been over 10 months. And there are days when I think, I got this grief thing, under control. And then something so simple, will have me on the floor. Curled up in a ball. Tears streaming from my eyes. My heart, in a million pieces!

There is no book on grief. Really, there isn't. I don't care how many Amazon carries! We all grieve, in a different way. It takes people through different journeys. We struggle. In a large sense, we go through similar emotions. Pain, hurt, anger. We feel similar feelings. If you go by the 5 Stages of Grief...denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance...we walk similar paths.

But no two paths, are the same. Just like no two relationships are the same. Each day, is new and different. Each emotion, sends us down a different path. We learn, daily, how to get through this life...without our loved ones.

  This song, is a great example of that. My Mom and I, can go days...sometimes a couple of weeks...without that hard crying. Then we go to church. And hear this song. And it's game over for us! That happened yesterday...

It was your typical Sunday. We were in church. The readings started the tears. Both of us, had tear filled eyes. But we could control it. Then the first few chords of this song, sent us over the edge. It's OK. And I'm not ashamed to sit there and cry. It's all part of the process. It's part of losing my Daddy. It's part of loving him too!

You see, for years and years, we sang this in church. It brings back those memories. But then, if you really think about the words, it hits me in the heart! It just speaks directly to me. And to the journey we were on. That we are still on.

In those last few months, it was mostly my Daddy and I. For most of the day. My Mom had to work. She had to! We had a business to run. It's not easy to juggle all of this! But we were trying to make it. And my Daddy and I, we'd talk. A LOT! He was so worried, about my Mom and I. He didn't want to leave us. He LOVED us, so very much!

I learned so much about my Daddy! About his true character. What this man, who he truly was. I thought I had known, before. But I really was learning. I was learning about his relationship with God. What really mattered to him. How hard, he truly loved!

It was then, that this song, came to mind. We'd listen to it. He'd sing it. And later, as he got sicker, I'd sing it to him. I don't know how to explain it, but one day, I just saw it. The look in his eyes was different. He had accepted, the next chapter of life. Eternal life.

But there was still fear there. A fear, that I'd never seen. A look I'd never seen. And a love, that I'd never felt. So I'd sing this to my Daddy. I'd hold him. And we'd cry. I would tell him, not to be afraid. That I would take care of him. Protect him. And I would ALWAYS be there for him!

It was during this time, that these words, really rang true. "Be not afraid. I go before you always. Come follow me, and I will give you rest." My Dad, he lived a long, and tough life. He was the true rock, of our entire family! His wife, children, nieces, nephews, cousins, friends, and grandchildren, they all meant the world to him! There isn't anything, he wouldn't try to do for any of us! He never turned people away. He supported everyone! He wanted to help every person he could! He worked from 3AM-9PM, daily. For as long as I can remember.

Our Lord, calling my Daddy home, was just like these lyrics. It had been a difficult road. Cancer, had turned this strong man, into this soft man. He couldn't do for himself. And depended on my Mom and I, for everything. It was his time, to go home. To rest. To rejoice. To enjoy, the fruits of his labor. And to meet, his Best Friend...

I might just cry, every single time, I hear this song. From now, until I die. But for me, it has true meaning. From the heart. Something that my Lord, made possible. To see the relationship between him, and my Daddy. To feel the love. To let my Daddy know, I'd ALWAYS be here for him! ❤

Thankful Thursday #4: 52 Week Savings Plan

Let's get real here. Money is that thing, that everyone wants. And no one wants to talk about! It's real. It's serious. It hard earned. Most of the time. And, well it keeps the world moving.

Just a handful of years ago, I was working a job. A residency, that provided well for me. Regardless of the relationship I was in, I could easily support myself. I had a home, that was paid for. A car that was paid for. My needs met. Bills paid. And money in my savings account. I was also only in my mid twenties.

That would all change. When my Dad got sick, I dropped everything! And I mean everything. A relationship, my job, friends, my home, my future. And I came home. To my hometown. Where I could continue to work. Albeit, part time. But I was working.

The sicker my Dad got, the less work I was doing. I went from 110+ hours a week. To barely 20 hours a week...in just a matter of months. Along with less work, there was more need for money. My Dad's medical costs kept rising. The costs of maintaining his business, were extremely large!

You see, it was my older brother, trying to cripple the business. The rest of us, trying to survive the crisis. More money was going out, than coming in. So I picked up the pieces. And before I knew it, that almost 6 figure savings, was quickly shrinking.

Then, there was the cost of the medical bills. My Dad had amazing insurance! Which helped with so much. But to be sick. To be chronically ill, and fighting for your life. It costs. And it costs big bucks. For the first 3 months of last year, his hospital bill alone, hit 2 million dollars. We were responsible for a small portion of that. But still, that small portion, was a great amount. That doesn't include doctors, prescriptions, specialists, Home Care, and so much supplies!

In my Dad's final weeks of life, his medication costs were through the roof! Let me tell you, we ran right through my parents' savings. And mine! When you are making trips to Walgreen's, two and three times a week. At $400 a time, it adds up. And quickly!

I am the youngest in my family. Nine kids in total. I'm the ONLY one, that helped out. For 6 years. Lots of costs. Lots of craziness. Lots of help! In all ways. But definitely financially. And when my Dad past away, I was the only one, that had money. Do you know what final costs are like?

Well, those commercials on TV, they lie! And the insurance companies, move like turtles. And it was me. Standing there, trying to figure it all out. My Mom was too heartbroken. My siblings were busy stealing from us. Friends were trying to help. Now my Dad had some amazing friends. One, being the owners of the mortuary that we used. He wanted it that way.

At the end of the day, they covered many of the costs for us. Gave us some great deals. And helped us, as much as possible. But after all the mortuary costs, cemetery costs, musicians, clothes for my Dad, my Mom, and I...I nearly spent $80,000. In 3 days!!! Not counting food. Because that was covered by so many friends, extended family, and local businesses. Also, the Church costs, were covered, by our AMAZING priest!

Now, if you asked me again, I'd clear out all my accounts again. In a heartbeat! In fact, the money I used, was money I had saved, since I was a child. My Dad ALWAYS insisted on saving money. For a rainy day. Or in my case, he told me for college...

Although, when I went to college, I didn't use it. I didn't have access to it. At first. Then my Dad convinced me, to leave it there. "You never know, when you will need it." Wise words, from a very wise man. All my money from birthdays, First Communions, Confirmation, graduation, and anything else you can think of. It was put away in CDs. And it remained there, until last March.

My final blow, was wrapping up things for the business. And buying a headstone. In the end, I was left, with $5,000.00. And many households to run. No job. Well, sort of. And a mess of headaches. I think about this a lot! A LOT!!!

And it sort of stresses me out. We are still waiting for insurance money. And well, my Mom and I aren't big spenders. We can survive off of nearly nothing. Because we just aren't that high maintenance. I'll chalk that up, to my Mom growing up poor. And me, struggling my way, through college. But we have 3 properties to maintain. My parents' home, the property it sits on, and the home that was their office. My home. And my parents' mountain home and property.

That's 4 of everything! 4 gas bills, 4 light bills, 4 water bills, 4 insurance bills, 4 property tax bills. Do you see my point? It's crazy! And my Mom...well she never handled the bills. So there is me. Trying to extend money. As the two of us, are trying to navigate through our, "new normal."

My Mom and I took the summer off. Completely. Almost 100%. I had to work a little. I have to see a certain amount of patients, to keep my credentials. And well, we also needed some money. You know, to live on. So I worked. Bare minimum. Later, my Mom finally broke. And decided she needed to get out of the house. And went back to work. Part time.

Little 'ol me? I decided I NEEDED to work. And went back. Not quite full time. More than part time. Somewhere to keep us going. But I'm back at square one. I mean we are doing well. I pay the bills. My Mom and I split the cost of gas, groceries, going on little adventures. That sort of deal. But I know what I need to do next. I NEED TO SAVE!!!

I came across this in December. And thought, you know, I need to start doing this. I'm fighting a losing battle, without a plan. Get it in gear! I picked up 2 large Mason Jars, and printed this page. January 1st started a new journey for me.

I'm up to $10 in each jar. Why 2 jars? One directly for savings. One for a little fun. My Mom and I, really need to go out and do something fun. At some point. So now, I have these 2 jars. It's something small. Something to get back, into the grove of saving.

And honestly, it makes things doable. Because who can't afford a few dollars a week? I mean, by the end of the year, it's going to be $52. For a week. So maybe December is a little tougher. But really, I can still afford a couple of hundred dollars.

A few years ago, I did a $5 savings challenge. Literally, every single $5 bill I got, went to savings. It was tough when I'd get $50 worth of $5 bills as change. But it really did change things for me. And in no time, I had a nice little stash.

Will I accumulate the amount of money, I once had? Not by this 52 Week Savings Plan. But it is a start. I didn't save that other money, in a short amount of time. It took years. Struggle. And sacrifice. I'll get back to it. One day. But I'll get there. And by January 1, 2017...$2,756. Not bad!

So if are interested, get started. Honestly, we're only at the $10 mark. Don't go out to eat one day. Or put the cookies and soda back on the shelf. Walk away from the new shirt. And let's get started. I'd LOVE to hear your stories. Or what you plan on doing with your money. I really do think, this is a nice way, to get the year started! ❤

Sassy Saturday #4: Leopard Print for My Puppy

OK, so if you know anything at all, about me...you know I LOVE leopard print. Just about anything! I own many pairs of leopard print shoes. And shirts. And purses. If I see something, and it comes in leopard print, that's usually the item I'm going to buy. Why? I have absolutely no idea!

 

I do remember when I was little, my Dad hating the print. It had something to do with a picture my sister brought over, one day. With my Mom, her ex-husband, my sister, and brother. My Mom had on a leopard print bikini.

Maybe it was because my Dad didn't like it. Or just because I LOVED it! But leopard print, has ALWAYS had a soft place, in my heart. I even remember, trying to convince a certain Mariachi Boss, to get us some trajes...or at least monos, that were leopard print. I lost that fight. By a long shot!

 

But something about my puppy, snuggled into my leopard print blanket, every single morning...had the wheels turning! And I started a search, online, for my puppy.

 

My girl, could really use a harness. I bought her one yesterday, at PetSmart. She has a bad habit, of jumping out of shopping carts. Because our bigger dog, is crazy around people, it gets my puppy all wound up!

I need to make life a little safer, for that sweet girl. And I went to all the poodle websites. To find out, collars are bad for them. There went the 2 collars I bought her, when I first got her. So I've been looking at harnesses. And who doesn't think, my white bundle of puppy fur, would look totally adorbs in one of these!

Oh, girl is ALWAYS cold! I first got her, when she was about 6 weeks old. Baby girl, always needs some sort of clothes on. And she loves them! For a very long time, the only thing that fit her, was a sock, turned into a puppy sweater. Then I hit the jackpot, at the Dollar Tree. And found her a bunch of little shirts.

At the beginning of December, I found a whole bunch of fun Christmas clothes for her. Sweaters, costumes, dresses. All of which she loves! But it is way past Christmas. And those little T-shirts are getting small. And every single store I go to, has clearanced out, their dog clothes. Which means, I usually find 100 XXXL sweaters. And maybe a pair of  XS shoes.

So I usually leave empty handed. And my dog is shaking, from the cold. And maybe perhaps, I'm too embarrassed to put her in a Christmas sweater. So this little guy, might be hitting my Amazon cart, in just a few minutes!

This jacket is also very cute! My puppy LOVES to be outside. ALL. THE. TIME!!! Morning, noon, and night! I'm not lying, when I say a 2AM potty break, turns into me chasing her around our yard for 20 minutes.

But she is ALWAYS cold! This jacket would be so cute. And it's lined in red. Come on folks! Who designs this stuff. Not to mention that cute little ruffle. Another item, that might be delivered to our home, very soon!

Oh, this dress! I told you, Miss B, just adores getting dressed up. Funny little girl! We even put a bow in her fur. And she gets so excited! I think this would be a cute dress. For her, and my Mom's dog. They like to get dressed up. And go visit people. Anyone in town, want some visitors?

 

This is another cute dress! One that I think would be so cute, on Miss B. Just because she is white. And the contrast would look good! That big 'ol bow, just kills me! Only a Puppy Momma could appreciate it!

 

This carrying bag, would be perfect too! Miss B, is terrified of the car. I have no clue why! My idea is, she had to travel 4 hours, to get to me. Her and about 5 brothers. I'm thinking that is the reason she hates the car!. Or maybe she is terrified, that I'm taking her to someone else. I have no clue.

But it makes driving, very difficult. My Mom's dog is usually with us. And she just LOVES going in the car. I roll the window down for her, and she is in Doggie Heaven. My puppy, is crying, running, and jumping everywhere! This would be so helpful!

Lastly, would be this beauty! I used to laugh at friends, that would spoil their dogs like this. But let's be real, I'm worse! So much worse! I just bought my puppy a new bed, because she likes to hang out of the one she has. It's not too small for her. She just likes to hang out.

So I bought a bed, meant for XL dogs. She still hangs out of it. Maybe it's her way of sleeping. I don't know. But the bigger bed, has meant, a warmer place for her to play. And she is the Queen of the Couch! She has a spot. It's hers. Don't try and sit there.

This little couch bed, would be perfection! I tell you, I could go broke, raising this sweet girl. But she is my whole world! And she needs to have some style. I'll probably refrain. And get her 3 or 4 things. Maybe add the rest to a wish list or something! ❤

Thankful Thursday #2: That Guy

I've been thinking a lot lately. My life really does feel like, well like someone has thrown all the cards in the air. It wasn't that long ago, that I had a man at my side, that I truly thought I'd spend my life with. We talked about kiddos. Enjoyed our fur babies. Planned for a future. I traveled half the week with him. He spent his life, making mine better.

But life happened. All of a sudden, the fact that he lived across the country from my family, it mattered. His job, the one he couldn't leave, it became a tough place. Something we had never faced before. And my Dad's health, well it was #1 on both our lists...

So I came home. To take care of my Dad. Slowly I began that process. That letting go. I don't think HE saw it coming. In fact, I know he didn't. I went through three homes, nearby, that he had bought. At the time, and in fact if you asked him right now, he'd tell you he bought them for me. So we would have a place to be. And I could spend time with my family.

I went through those homes. Took my personal things. And packed up the rest. Slowly. It was a process. One that took a while. One that I did painstakingly, through the wee hours of the night. And one day, I made that tough call. He came. And we had that heartbreaking talk.

The one thing I will say, is that he completely understood. He had lost his dad. Suddenly, without any kind of warning. And he totally got it. Why I needed to be home. Why my Dad needed me. Why at this point of my life, I needed to be home. He got it. Didn't agree with parting ways. But he understood.

For months, I know he hounded my besties. He wanted to make sure I was a OK. He followed my social media. Which I was doing a horrible job at keeping up. He was sending me encouraging text messages. But we didn't talk. Life was just going 100 miles an hour.

A lot has happened since. My Dad's passing, being the toughest, and hardest transition. He gave me time. We are taking years here. He gave me time! The time I needed to grief. He UNDERSTOOD, every single second. He had been there before. He knew what I needed.

And when the time was right, he called. Then came to visit. Then held me, as I completely crumbled. Because the thing is, the love didn't die. Like it never died between me, and Dr. Baseball. It just changed. But the love was still there.

Today, I have a best friend. That I can just send a simple text to, and he knows my life is completely in a tailspin. At the same time, we can have a twitter convo, for 3 hours, in the middle of the night. Or we can FaceTime some ridiculous comical hour. That has my sides hurting, because we laugh that hard.

It's crazy where life takes us. How relationships can completely change. I'll be the first person to admit, when I'm uncomfortable, I walk away. I build walls, so people never get to know me. I'm the kind of woman, that is quiet, and comfortable with being independent.

But I will admit this. I NEED people too. Even if I don't want to admit it. I NEED them! Like I need oxygen to breathe. And I'm very lucky, to have friends, that fight to stay in my life. No matter the circumstance. They fight. And I'm lucky!

2015 taught me so much! If you've been hanging around these parts, than you know that much! But I look at 2016 as a rebirth. My Mom and I, are slowly learning to live without my Dad. The toughest thing, I'll ever have to experience. Life is so different.

Eventually, I'll have to make the decision, of what's next. You know, I still dream of getting married. And one day having babies. Lots of babies! I know. I even shock myself sometimes. But this year, is making those other tough decisions.

Do I stay in my hometown? Stay close, to take care of my Mom. Buy a home near the hospital. And start my next chapter, working for this hospital, that is so dear to my heart. Do I move back, to my home. The community that welcomed me, with open arms. To my home. Nearly 15 years ago, I moved there. And I fell in love! Or do I chase after dreams. That were once so vivid! And move across the country?

I'm not sure. And that's were January 2016 finds me. Making those decisions. I'm still not really back to work. I do a lot of virtual stuff, for a few hospitals. I fill in at the DOH, a local hospital, and do some community education. Enough to keep my credentials current. But not enough, to really solidify things.

But that's OK. It's been a tough couple of years. When you look at it, not long ago, I had my life mapped out. With the people I wanted. These days, it's putting the puzzle together. Hanging on tight. Listening to my gut. Not taking crap from other people. Mostly, praying on my knees every single night. I know, my Dear Lord wouldn't bring me to it. If he could help me through it.

So 2016, it's me and you. Making these tough decisions. Deciding which way to go. Eventually, life won't feel so crazy. And the millions of years you went to school, won't feel like a total waste. And one day, you'll have your own family. And you'll look back at this time, and think, I made it. No matter what anyone else said. I MADE IT!!! And I have a pretty amazing best friend! ❤

Crochet Inspiration 2: Snowflake Ornament...Turned Into A Snowflake Garland

I was looking for something fun to crochet. Something to add to my Dad's hospital room. You know, these rooms are a little boring and bland. And since it looks like it will be a few weeks until we get home, I need to add a little something-something to this place.

I was thinking of a garland. But Valentine's Day decorations are just a little too much right now. I'm thinking something for winter. A little bit of fun and whimsy. Then I thought about this little snowflake...

 

So I'm thinking, these little snowflakes, made into a garland. With a few wintery blue colors. 7 white, 6 little blue, and 6 medium blue...connected with white. I think it would make for a fun garland. You know, with all this weird winter weather that we are having. I think we need some snowflakes. Real snowflakes. Not the pretend things, that are all over the weather maps...and never make it to the sky.

 

Recently, I was telling a friend of mine, that patterns are just a little "roadmap" for you. It's there. It gives you an idea, or a direction. But it's not the "end all." You can change that pattern around. You can add to it. You can use a pattern like this, to add an applique to a hat, scarf, or even a blanket. Lots of times, I find a cute appliques, to make different garlands.

 

So the next time you see a cute applique, ornament, or other little trinket...think of all the things you can make with that pattern. This pattern, I've added to a scarf and hat recently. And it really came out nice. My little cousin likes that she has a "Frozen" hat and scarf. Funny how she made that connection. But it's a nice little treat. ❤