I heard this song, a week or two ago. And it just made me think. I sat at the top of the hill, early in the morning. Watching the sunrise. And just listened. There was something about this song, that just called to me. The music. The lyrics. Hillary's voice.
The last few years, have been something else. At times, just unbearable. And at other times, I've felt so raw. So exposed. This song, just reminds me...of how vulnerable we can be. And how we can carry all of this with us.
But through it all, no matter what...we MUST trust in God. He will carry us, through it all. The pain, the hurt, the loneliness. I know, the tough days, are not all behind me. But there are some truly AMAZING days, in front of me. And I need to remember, to trust in God.
As hard as life can be, we can't lose our faith. Our paths, are difficult at times. And at times, I HATE so much about life. But life, is truly a miracle. Because of our Lord. And his love for us.
I pray every single day. For my family. And my friends. For myself. Lately, it's been a lot for myself. And my struggles. I get on my knees, and pray. That I can hear, see, and feel God's plans for me. That he has a plan for me. Maybe it will include a husband, children, and love. Maybe it includes more pain and hurt.
Whatever it is, he will walk along side me. And when it becomes too much to bare, he will carry me. I know this, first hand. Because I know, it was God that has gotten me through the last 6 years. On the toughest days, I turned to God. And asked for his help, his love, and his compassion. For myself. My Dad. My family. My friends. And my enemies.
I am so amazed by God and his love for me. We are so very blessed. Even on the worst of days, we have the most amazing love...that we could ever ask for! God will guide us. And help us, through the darkest of days. I know this. And this song, is just a reminder, of all the love...that God has for us. ❤
Do you ever hear a song, and it just stops you? Dead in your tracks. Gives you chills. You think, they were reading my mind. Hey, this song feels so familiar. Yet, you know, you've never heard it before.
I felt that way, just this past week. I heard "Humble and Kind." For the first time. On my way to see a patient. I literally had to pull over, onto the side of the road. It hit me that hard! And I just sat there, and listened. Silently, the tears fell. And I had goosebumps, everywhere!
This song, reminded me, of all those lessons I was taught as a child. The values that my family, was instilling, in me. The words reminded me, of my Daddy. Of a chapter of struggle. These simple words, reminded me of the struggles, that I'm currently carrying. It reminded me, that no matter what I'm facing, there is always a humbling moment.
"Don't hold a grudge or a chip, and here's why. Bitterness keeps you from flyin'." Words I need to remember. I need to write them down, and keep them close. Hard times, many times, makes people hard. And I don't want to be, that kind of person. I don't want to be bitter in life. I want to soar. I want to make the world, a better place.
Just sit and listen to these words. Or read over the lyrics. It really is a beautiful song. I enjoy country music, for this reason. There is such meaning, behind the music. And Tim McGraw, is just one of those artists, that gives even more to his music. His music, has inspired me, so many times.
"Be humble and kind." Words spoken, from my Daddy, many times. More than I could count. It was his way of life. Never forgetting where he came from. Or the people that helped him get there. Never holding a grudge. Or harming others. Always knowing, there was good to be done, in this world. ❤
I'm a very religious person! It really has carried me, through some of the toughest times. Some of my darkest days. And through some of life's biggest struggles. I've ALWAYS leaned on my Lord. He is my rock, my salvation, my BFF!
And during the difficult days, of my Dad's illness, there was no one, I leaned on more. I'm so glad, my parents, helped me to form this relationship. It really carried me, through those dark days. As I watched my Dad, slowly going to be with our Lord, I needed my BFF!
My Dad became so close to our Lord, in his last year. He'd ALWAYS had a good relationship with our Lord. He LOVED going to church. He praised God. Sang in church. And ALWAYS listened so closely, to God's words. I can still see him in church. Hands held tightly together, eyes closed, deep in prayer.
In the days following my Dad's passing, it was a real struggle. My Dad went to be with our Lord, on a Friday night. Life was a blur. My birthday, the following day. It didn't matter to me. But on Sunday morning, my Mom and I, woke up. Bright and early. And headed to church.
I sat in my Dad's seat. It is where I felt closest to him. And still do! We cried. The. Entire. Time! We met friends, that had prayed for us. People that we didn't know by name. But they had helped us, talked to us, and prayed for us...for years! All of a sudden, they were there to catch us. As we were falling, they were catching us!
It's been over 10 months. And there are days when I think, I got this grief thing, under control. And then something so simple, will have me on the floor. Curled up in a ball. Tears streaming from my eyes. My heart, in a million pieces!
There is no book on grief. Really, there isn't. I don't care how many Amazon carries! We all grieve, in a different way. It takes people through different journeys. We struggle. In a large sense, we go through similar emotions. Pain, hurt, anger. We feel similar feelings. If you go by the 5 Stages of Grief...denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance...we walk similar paths.
But no two paths, are the same. Just like no two relationships are the same. Each day, is new and different. Each emotion, sends us down a different path. We learn, daily, how to get through this life...without our loved ones.
This song, is a great example of that. My Mom and I, can go days...sometimes a couple of weeks...without that hard crying. Then we go to church. And hear this song. And it's game over for us! That happened yesterday...
It was your typical Sunday. We were in church. The readings started the tears. Both of us, had tear filled eyes. But we could control it. Then the first few chords of this song, sent us over the edge. It's OK. And I'm not ashamed to sit there and cry. It's all part of the process. It's part of losing my Daddy. It's part of loving him too!
You see, for years and years, we sang this in church. It brings back those memories. But then, if you really think about the words, it hits me in the heart! It just speaks directly to me. And to the journey we were on. That we are still on.
In those last few months, it was mostly my Daddy and I. For most of the day. My Mom had to work. She had to! We had a business to run. It's not easy to juggle all of this! But we were trying to make it. And my Daddy and I, we'd talk. A LOT! He was so worried, about my Mom and I. He didn't want to leave us. He LOVED us, so very much!
I learned so much about my Daddy! About his true character. What this man, who he truly was. I thought I had known, before. But I really was learning. I was learning about his relationship with God. What really mattered to him. How hard, he truly loved!
It was then, that this song, came to mind. We'd listen to it. He'd sing it. And later, as he got sicker, I'd sing it to him. I don't know how to explain it, but one day, I just saw it. The look in his eyes was different. He had accepted, the next chapter of life. Eternal life.
But there was still fear there. A fear, that I'd never seen. A look I'd never seen. And a love, that I'd never felt. So I'd sing this to my Daddy. I'd hold him. And we'd cry. I would tell him, not to be afraid. That I would take care of him. Protect him. And I would ALWAYS be there for him!
It was during this time, that these words, really rang true. "Be not afraid. I go before you always. Come follow me, and I will give you rest." My Dad, he lived a long, and tough life. He was the true rock, of our entire family! His wife, children, nieces, nephews, cousins, friends, and grandchildren, they all meant the world to him! There isn't anything, he wouldn't try to do for any of us! He never turned people away. He supported everyone! He wanted to help every person he could! He worked from 3AM-9PM, daily. For as long as I can remember.
Our Lord, calling my Daddy home, was just like these lyrics. It had been a difficult road. Cancer, had turned this strong man, into this soft man. He couldn't do for himself. And depended on my Mom and I, for everything. It was his time, to go home. To rest. To rejoice. To enjoy, the fruits of his labor. And to meet, his Best Friend...
I might just cry, every single time, I hear this song. From now, until I die. But for me, it has true meaning. From the heart. Something that my Lord, made possible. To see the relationship between him, and my Daddy. To feel the love. To let my Daddy know, I'd ALWAYS be here for him! ❤
It's crazy! This song reminds me of so many females, in my life. Young and old. All strong. Each one of them, wanting to have fun!
I think of my little Emma Grace. All the singing and dancing we'd do. Every single time, we heard this song. Yes, it became a "thing" in my circle of friends. And they'd make sure to play it, at every single wedding, birthday party, baptismo, get together, whatever.
Then Miss Abby started to love it. And her Nono, he would act just as silly as me. Because, that's what we do. To see those perfect little smiles.
I can also recall, many of my family members, young and old, loving this song! Dancing their hearts out. Being silly. And just having a good time. Let's not forget, all the times my country loving Daddy, would blast this for me. On our 2 minute ride to school! :)
Then this past weekend, we went to visit some friends. That have definitely turned into family. The kind, that you never saw coming. But oh, you get on your knees, and Thank God that they're in your life!
We went to see a new baby boy. Welcome him into the world. His big sister and I, well in her words, "We're besties for life!" And really, that is what I feel, for the almost 4 year old. Who stole my Dad's heart. And mine!
While I was sitting in her room, knee deep in Sofia the First Princess dolls and castles, she took my phone. To jam to YouTube. And that my friends, would lead me right back, to this song. It's just that kind of song. That puts a smile on your face. And a wiggle in your booty.
We danced around her room. And every single time it would stop, she would replay Girls Just Wanna Have Fun! By the end of our impromptu 4 hour play date, my bestie for life, was singing all the lyrics. On her microphone. As loud as she could. Baby brother, I'm sorry. But sometimes, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun! ❤
It's pretty funny when you think about it. At different points of your life, you have different friends. Different people you lean on. Friends that you call besties, sometimes just disappear from your life.
I can sit and tell you about a variety of besties, that have come and gone. Mostly, we just lost touch. I have a childhood friend, that was definitely a bestie of mine. Then she moved. We chat from time to time. Have gotten closer because of Facebook. But it's not the same.
A high school bestie and I, well we just lost track of each other. I tried a few times to keep in contact, but our lives just went in such different directions. Same can be said for a friend who I went to college with. We started off close, then I'm not sure...
Oh college. There were a few. There was a girl, that we just clicked. We were friends. And spent a ton of time together. Going to lunch, hanging out in classes. Then I'm not sure. Life just took over. I was busy in school. She was busy with family. I had another friend, we were super close. The kind of friends that stayed up, until 2AM talking. Just because. We had so much in common. And spent most of our days, laughing. And playing music. Then a misunderstanding, sent us in opposite directions. Really, to never talk again.
I can confidently say, most of the friends I made in medical school, and working have been a different breed of friends. Those friends. The kind that you lean on. That are there, no matter what. I'm proud to say that. We stick together. Fight for each other.
I'm also very lucky, to say I have a friend from college, that we've stayed super close. At times, we don't talk for a bit. But we always manage to send each other a text message. Or e-mail. That is comforting. Super comforting really!
But the kind of friend I'm talking about today, is a lifelong kind of friend. He's the guy that met me, when I was hours old. We grew up together. He was ALWAYS my protector. And one day, we fell in love. Things in the love department, didn't work out well. We would break up during his senior year in high school. We'd try it again, my freshman year in college. Heck, we'd try it a third time. Thinking, this could be it.
It's just not in the cards. I can say that confidently. It's not in the cards. Maybe in 10 years. Maybe after both of us, leave our hometown. Maybe in different circumstances. Just not right now. And honestly, that's OK. For both of us.
But every single time, I hear this song, I think of him. My lifelong bestie. The man, that I can ALWAYS count on! No matter what. A heartbreak, a struggle with school, being lost in the world, battling the Big C, or my Dad's passing. He has been my rock!
It's funny how life works. Who would have thought, all those years ago, he'd be the solid rock by my side. Who would have thought, the little boy that came to visit the new baby girl, would really take to heart the vow of protection, love, and friendship.
It really is pretty incredible. That the two of us have last the test of time. And life really. And not just lasted. But really grown. And flourished. Honestly, making each other stronger. My bestie, he'll ALWAYS be at my side. I know this. Deep down in my soul. And I Thank God, every single day, for him! ❤
