Wishful Wednesday 24: North Pole Breakfast 2014

There are a ton of things I wish for in life. 90% of them, are not material items. I wish for things like a loving man, to share my life with. Really share it. All parts of my life. I want kids. I've wanted ninitos, since before I can remember. When I was little, I would dream of having a dozen babies! And living on this guy's grandparents' Ranch. Crazy, huh!

But I'm nearly 32 years old. I'm the primary caregiver of my Dad. I have left 99% of my life behind, to care of my Dad. The man that I thought, hung the moon, stars, and heck...the entire sky! My Dad who was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer...not even 6 months ago!

I used to dream of my "Prince Charming." My Dad walking me down the aisle, in my perfect white dress. To have all those babies. And to create the most AMAZING life!

But in all reality, even prior to coming home, to take care of my Dad...my life was not on "that track." Not at all! I didn't have a man to love...that shared in my life 100%. Not one that came home with me, for holidays with my family. I was not close to marriage. And what seemed like a million miles from parenthood.

And no matter how much, I felt that hole in my heart, I couldn't find my way out. I'd set up wonderful days with my friends ninitos. We'd bake, decorate, and sometimes deliver treats. We'd have big sleepovers at my home...20 little girls and me. Tia was dearly outnumbered! But I LOVED it! We'd play dolls, bake, watch princess movies, play with my shoes, dance around my home, do lots of crafting, and comb each others hair.

It was not always rainbows and puppy dog tails. Heck no! I think we can all remember the day, that 5 boxes...not containers...of sprinkles made it into my carpet. Or the night I had 1 little bitty girl, throwing up all over the place...and 15 more, fast asleep. There was even that time, when the fire ants attacked 3 kiddos in my care.

But my heart still yearns for those things I dreamt of, as a little girl. Babies of my own. A husband to share this life with. And fun traditions, that would be for my family.

And then I read Andrea's blog last week. And I literally cried! Right there in the middle of the infusion room. With my Dad's oncologist looking at me, like I've totally flipped out. I didn't just cry. I balled! Because that life, that I've always wanted, seems so far away! And this post, reminded me of everything I've given up in this life...

 

Honestly, this is the sweetest little tradition! Something that I did with my own Goddaughters, years ago. Setting the scene for the holiday season. A morning full of fun, laughter, and cheer! And as much as this post, made me cry...I feel good.

 

Why? Because one day, I hope to get back to this life. I hope to make it even better. I want to be an amazing mom like Andrea. To have fun holidays. To teach my kids about God. To show them the love, that I've carried my entire life...just for them.

 

I'm not sad this week. I'm hopeful. I feel like I have this little wish, planted deep in my soul. And I know one day, God has a plan for me. Whether my life is shared with my own kids, or with the ninitos God sends into my path. My little cousins, nieces, nephews, Goddaughters, friends. And as fun as this looks...this year for me, is all about grace. I'm learning to be happy with the little things in life. And how to file these little gems, away for a time that is not so chaotic. So touch and go. God is great! And I know he has a plan for me. I will leave it all up to him. ❤

Crochet Inspiration 14: Unicorn Hat

I know. It's ONLY September. But it is the last day of September. Here in the Southwest, we're still months away from cold weather. You know, the really COLD weather, that you break out hats, scarves, and gloves for.

But recently, my Goddaughter has shown a lot of love for all things My Little Pony. And unicorns. I can relate. When I was little, I adored My Little Pony. Had houses, ponies, cars, blankets, stuffed animals...anything and everything that you could imagine. And unicorns. Well, during a large part of my childhood, I collected them. My own Godparents, would indulge me in my fascination. They'd buy me ceramic unicorns, stuffed unicorns, and even a big minky blanket with a unicorn on it.

So after having a long convo with Miss A, I thought of something crochet. I had already started this star blanket for her. But in her favorite colors...pink, purple, and blue. I'm using a Red Heart Yarn in "Bright Mix." And some white. I can't decide, if I should give it to her for her birthday, in October. Or wait until Christmas.

Then I remembered seeing a few different unicorn patterns on Etsy. Really I had been looking for a Horse Hat. For Miss Abby. And her big sister, Lauren. I did a quick Google search, and found a real beauty on Repeat Crafter Me!

For real?!?!?! Sarah is an AMAZING designer. But this is just too cute! I'm thinking of using the same Red Heart yarn, in Bright Mix, for the mane. And I might just have to give this beauty to Miss A, for her birthday. It's in just a few weeks. And I think this would be a perfect fit.

Between, I think this could be a cute little horse. You know, for 2 of my favorite little cowgirls. I'm thinking of changing up the colors, losing the horn, and maybe adding on a face. :) I just LOVE when things start coming together! ❤