2016 in Review

So 2016, just wasn't a good year. Not for me. Not for my family. It may have been, just as bad as 2015. But I'm going to update you. On that craziness, that is 2016. Hoping to leave all that in the past. I'll put at least, three things that happened every month. Some months, will be much more...

January

1. My sweet pup and I, rang in the New Year together. Nice and quiet. Lots of phone calls, poured in...right after midnight.

2. It turned out to be a really tough month. Just my Mom and I, trying to get used to life without my Dad. 10 months after his passing, we really struggled.  

3. My Fun Mail for Kids Project, became a success! Tons of mail going out to the littles. This month, just really pushed things over the edge.

4. I filed paperwork, to return to work. Full time. In 6 months time. I had good intentions. That just didn't pan out.

February

1. I started having really tough talks, with this Guy. We're the best of friends. And truly want the best for one another. But this, was the beginning of the end...of US. Tough...but oh so necessary.

2. I started to notice little things about my Mom. She was more tired. Losing weight. Just not "with it."

3. I really noticed, that I began to look forward to my twice weekly lunch dates. With my Mom. We'd been doing this since August. But in February, I really started to look forward to them. Once in a while, I'd take the pups too. There are so many GREAT Dog Parks nearby. And after we'd eat, we'd take the pups to play.

4. We celebrated my Dad's first birthday in Heaven. IT. WAS. TOUGH!!! My Mom and I decorated his grave, had a mass for him, met with family...and friends. Ate breakfast together. And then, my Mom and I, cooked a HUGE meal for dinner. It was a tough day...

March

1. Our rescue pup, turned 2. And we had her a party. I know! I probably need some kids. But it was a fun day.

2. I turned a year older. No big deal. Or adventures. My Mom and I went to breakfast. And I enjoyed a low-key day. Just chilaxing.

3. We also faced my Dad's one year anniversary. Of his passing. Completely difficult! Just a day, before my birthday. We had a mass for him. A balloon release. And went to have breakfast at his favorite place. But it was a tough day. A beautiful day...but tough day.

4. It was an emotional month. Tough. In every single way, you can imagine. Somehow, we made it to the end.

April

1. My Mom really started to slow down. I knew something was wrong. But I just couldn't put my finger on it. And she refused to go to the doctor. Ugh!

2. We prepared for our 2nd Annual Fundraiser. Craziness all around! I swear, it almost didn't happen. But at the last minute, everything fell into place. And it was a success!

3. We went on a pilgrimage with the women in our family. Spiritually, it was just what we needed. Also, we enjoyed having a grown up sleepover. With some of my favorite ladies. And our little pups. Watching movies, laughing, and snacking.

4. Had another tough conversation with this Guy. On what should have been our anniversary. And knew, we both just needed to walk away. Clean break. Still friends. Wishing the best for each other. All that good stuff.

5. Also on that day, my grandma turned 86. And we helped her celebrate. With a fun dinner, and cake. A few family members, some staff from her nursing home, and some friends. It was all about making memories.

6. I'd also end up in the ER. With back issues. Then spend a few weeks, dealing with side effects from the shots I was given. It was horrible! I felt like I was 90 years old!

May

1. I surprised my Mom, with a little Birthday BBQ. Just us, and our pups. It was a lot of fun!

2. Celebrated a ton of new graduates! My family and friends. It was a BIG deal.

3. My family, including my Mom, headed to Colorado. They had a blast! I stayed home, hanging out with our pups. And dabbling, in going back to work full time. It was a nice break.

4. I campaigned away. For one of our neighbors. It was a blast! Wish I could have spent more time doing it. And I really wish he would have won. But I really enjoyed meeting so many new people.

5. I'd help this guy, pick out a ring. Now that he knew, I couldn't move forward. He was ready to move on. And I was so happy for him. In 2 months, he'd pop the question. By year's end, they'd be married.

June

1. My Mom went to California. With some family...on vacation. 2 weeks on the beach! What a life! Except, she got hurt...while they were out there. This would plague her for months. And lead to some life changing news.

2. I'd start selling at 2 local Growers' Markets. Man, I missed my buddies. Crazy how I only knew them for a short time, and I missed them so much. The laughter picked right up. And I met a cute, new 18 month old buddy!

3. I'd get some much needed time with my friends. Just relaxing. Taking in a concert, some movies, and lots of late night dinners. My bestie for life...and our friends from the hospital.

4. Crap had started with our mail being stolen. We'd had issues after my Dad's passing. But it really became a problem from April-June. Which lead to a whole issue...and having to see the Post Master. And changing our phone numbers, and all that good crap...

July

1. We'd start selling at another Grower's Market. Like 2 just wasn't enough. But honestly, this would quickly become my favorite market. The people were so amazing! I truly can't wait until July, when we return.

2. We were slowly adjusting to being a family of 2. With 2 pups. But we began to separate things. As I was still planning on moving. Boxes would be packed. We'd start to separate our dogs, on outings. We were planning...

3. We'd also spend the 4th of July...quietly, at home. It was like all these celebrations were just too much. And we needed time away from everyone. But it was good for us. And we still managed to enjoy hotdogs and hamburgers.

4. I'd also start a new business adventure. Completely inspired by my pup. And it would keep me quite busy!

5. We'd celebrate our friend's 85th Birthday. Such a blessing to have him in our lives. And to know his family. The entire day, was such a blessing.

August

1. My Mom would return to work. And I'd start slowing down at the Growers' Markets. Rotating which one I'd go to, each week. My Mom was just in so much pain. And so incredibly tired. I needed to be home, to help her out.

2. I'd continue to get things in order. For my move. But had a nagging feeling...that it wasn't going to happen. Sometimes, you just know things. There's no reasoning behind it.

3. It had been 4 months, since our whole mail issue had started. And nothing was resolved. Our mail was still going missing. And I'd also been locked out of certain Google accounts, Facebook, and some other things. Ugh!

 

 

 September

1. The pain was just too much for my Mom. And just after the holiday, we'd end up in the ER. My Mom would be diagnosed with leukemia. Our world would be rocked. And we wouldn't tell anyone...for months.

2. My Mom would not return back to work. She'd stay home. And an entirely new chapter, would begin. It was nuts! And she was in so much pain. All. The. TIME!

3. I'd send in some new FMLA paperwork. And talk to my supervisors. Yes, I'll be out of work for a while. How long? I have no clue.

4. My Mom would begin the important documents...Wills, Power of Attorney, DNR. All the stuff, that comes along with cancer. And I knew, I was exactly where I was meant to be. I would be her caregiver.

October

1. We'd get a second confirmation, that it is leukemia. We'd meet our oncologists. And I'd be drowning in paperwork. Spend hours and hours, on the phone with insurance companies. And spend more time, than you can think...on my knees praying.

2. A new routine would begin. My Mom slept a lot. Our pups and I, learned a new routine. Not much eating was happening. The house, suddenly needed to be cleaned from top to bottom. Because what else could I do with my time?

3. Our Growers' Market Family knew what was going on. And my sister. And my bestie. But no one else. My Mom just wasn't ready to talk about it. It was tough. A hard thing to shoulder. But I would do it, for her. Because she needed it.

4. We prepared for a local Dia de los Muertos Parade. Spent lots of hours, making decorations. Lots of family time. Lots of sewing. And there was getting all those skull crafts made. Oh, and an alter. It was a busy time.

5. On his birthday, this guy would call me. Unsure of his own future. With his soon-to-be bride. I think he was looking for reassurance. Oh, and he wanted to make sure, I hadn't made a mistake. Did I want to try this again? Finally, I spilled the beans. I told him about my Mom. As much as I love him, I love her. And I NEED to be here. Right here. And he totally understood. But I wasn't sure, that he was 100% ready, to move forward. I'd spend a good part, of the next 2 1/2 months, talking him into his nuptials.

6. I'd also postpone a planned fundraiser for our foundation. It was just too much to think about. With my Mom being sick, I just couldn't imagine it.

7. My puppy would turn 1. Yes, there would be a party. Just a small one. Princess Party, for my little Princess. My Mom was not feeling well. But we celebrated that little princess, like she was Princess Charlotte! Wow!

November

1. After a very quiet Halloween, my Mom would be in a crazy amount of pain. We'd end up in the ER. Again. But this time, I'd have to call family for help. And on the way to the ER, my Mom would finally tell her sisters. It was a shocker! From that point on, people slowly started to find out.

2. We'd do that entire Dia de los Muertos event. It was so much fun. But completely exhausting! It almost didn't happen. In less than a week's time, our family would cancel and reschedule it...5 times!

3. Sometime after the event, we'd decide to plan a fundraiser for my Mom. We weren't sure of details. But in less than 4 hours, the entire thing was planned. People were volunteering. The menu was planned. Decorations ordered. Tickets printed. Items donated for a raffle.

4. After the fundraiser was planned, we'd talk to my Mom. And finally, we'd let people know, she has cancer. It was a hard thing to do. And it would lead me, down another new path.

5. We'd plan on spending Thanksgiving at a few people's homes. In the end, we stayed with family. Because my grandma needed us. And the time. Thanksgiving seemed so emotional this year. Like this possibly, could be the last, with all these people. I was emotionally drained, by the time we got home...late that night.

December

1. I was exhausted! By the time December 1st rolled around, we'd done so many Craft Fairs, and shows...that I was just tired. Our stock was down. And I just wanted to rest. So many festivals were inviting us. And I just didn't have time, inventory, or energy. But we still managed 2-3 shows a weekend. It was nuts!

2. Our fundraising efforts were also in full swing. My family was selling tickets, left and right. Boxes of things, started arriving on our doorsteps. It was amazing to see all the love, for my Mom...pour in. We also learned real quick, who was going to be by our sides. Through this new journey.

3. We'd somehow, have a fundraiser. And 2 raffles. During December. It was nuts! Oh, and some online stuff too.

4. We'd also manage to squeeze in some Holiday Cheer. We went to 2 Tree Lightings, had dinner with family and friends a few times, attended our Family's Ornament Party, had lunch with some of my Mom's old students, enjoyed Christmas with friends, decorated my Dad's grave on Christmas Eve, spent a couple of hours with my brother and sister, hung lights, put up a tree, went shopping with family, and I spent some time in the ER again. This stupid back issue!

5. After months and months, my Mom was finally cleared for insurance. Stupid Obamacare. I HATE it! And I'd spend the last week of the year, calling doctors. Trying to set my Mom up, with appointments that she should have had...almost 4 months ago. But I'm hopeful.

It was a crazy year! So much has changed in the last 12 months. And so much, has stayed the same. I'm praying that 2017, is a much better year. That brings blessings. Always my Mom to heal. And get stronger. And also, allow us the time to process our grief. That's been the hardest part of this past year! Goodbye 2016. And all your problems. Hello 2017! And all your blessings. ❤

Simple Sunday #4: Part-Time Drama

A lot has been going on lately. Mostly me, going a bit insane. You see, most of my time is spent at home. I know, most people would die, to do that! But really, it's not all it's cracked up to be. Don't get me wrong or anything. I LOVE my home. But sometimes, you just want to get out. Do something. See people. Have a real conversation...

It got me thinking lately, I want a part-time job. Nothing crazy. Just something to get out of the house. I work from home right now. A ton of reasons. Most of which, lead right back, to square one. I can't go back to the hospital, where my Dad spent so much time. Sick. So very sick.

Well, I happen to work for that same place. So I work part time. Mostly from home. Or wherever I have the internet. And put in about 20 hours a week, at one of the "branches" of the hospital. In a nearby city. Mostly doing rounds, working on tough cases, filling in wherever help is needed.

But I want to see people. Talk to them. You know, you are going a little nuts...when you start having full on convos, with the pups. And I find myself, asking them, what I should cook for dinner. How do they feel about a certain color palette. Do they think we should go to the mountains, or some large city, on our next road trip.

Yeah, it's getting serious. So I was bumming around Facebook the other day, and ran into a job listing. For a local Dog Bakery. Here in town. Probably a 20 minute drive, from where I live. In fact, I frequently do work, at a DOH, not far from the Dog Bakery. Which, by the way, I had no idea was there!

So I clicked on a few links. And found myself at the bakery's website. Applying for a job. That I'm probably overqualified for. But who cares! I can get out of the house, for 15-20 hours a week. Score. And I'll get to bake. That for me, sealed the deal!

Maybe it's just me. Or the fact, that I haven't worked anywhere else, other than a hospital or my parents' business, in about 10 years. But that application was insanely long! And asked some rather odd questions. But I kept going. 20 minutes later, I had figured out a few friends, that I could list as references. Because the owner didn't want to talk to "hospital people." Or relatives. And I couldn't find the last manager from Target. The last "real" job, that this owner considered, from my application.

I kept submitting the application. And she kept rejecting it. Asking for more info. I'm not sure, just what else she wanted. I did list my BS in HNFS. And my RD. But that's it. She was so pumped, that a real food scientist, would be baking for her shop. It's just the rest of my application, that she didn't like.

Say what? No, I won't put my puppy through another round of the runs. Because you want me to feed her your dog food. She's been through enough. With 2 changes in dog food. And she's only 3 months old!

And I won't threaten my Mom, to buy your dog food, for her dog. Who already has issues eating. She's a rescue pup. I'm 100% OK with working weekends. But not holidays. The entire reason I am still here, is to keep my Mom company. So she can get through the first year or two, without my Dad.

So we hit a road block. The biggest factor, being pay. I'm OK with working a part time, minimum wage job. But the lady did not like that answer. She didn't like that I wouldn't force my dogs, to eat her products. And she didn't like, that I hadn't worked anywhere else, besides a hospital setting, in almost 10 years.

I'm pretty sure, she never accepted my application. Because after 2 hours of this horse play, I gave up. Went to pick up my Mom from work. And began enjoying my weekend. Just makes me think. I did the hiring for my parents. It's not an easy job. But you also don't have to be rude. I ALWAYS took every application. You just never know.

In today's newspaper, I saw an ad, for a part time secretary. For a local church. They've been advertising since October. I know this, because I was looking for a puppy. And I kept coming across this ad. I just might call them this week. What could be so hard? The job requirements are answering a phone, counting the weekly offering, working in Word, Excel, and Power Point, spreading our faith, and making copies. All things I've done in the past. Again, I'm not looking for a full time position. Just something to get me out of the house. This could be it!

Thankful Thursday #2: That Guy

I've been thinking a lot lately. My life really does feel like, well like someone has thrown all the cards in the air. It wasn't that long ago, that I had a man at my side, that I truly thought I'd spend my life with. We talked about kiddos. Enjoyed our fur babies. Planned for a future. I traveled half the week with him. He spent his life, making mine better.

But life happened. All of a sudden, the fact that he lived across the country from my family, it mattered. His job, the one he couldn't leave, it became a tough place. Something we had never faced before. And my Dad's health, well it was #1 on both our lists...

So I came home. To take care of my Dad. Slowly I began that process. That letting go. I don't think HE saw it coming. In fact, I know he didn't. I went through three homes, nearby, that he had bought. At the time, and in fact if you asked him right now, he'd tell you he bought them for me. So we would have a place to be. And I could spend time with my family.

I went through those homes. Took my personal things. And packed up the rest. Slowly. It was a process. One that took a while. One that I did painstakingly, through the wee hours of the night. And one day, I made that tough call. He came. And we had that heartbreaking talk.

The one thing I will say, is that he completely understood. He had lost his dad. Suddenly, without any kind of warning. And he totally got it. Why I needed to be home. Why my Dad needed me. Why at this point of my life, I needed to be home. He got it. Didn't agree with parting ways. But he understood.

For months, I know he hounded my besties. He wanted to make sure I was a OK. He followed my social media. Which I was doing a horrible job at keeping up. He was sending me encouraging text messages. But we didn't talk. Life was just going 100 miles an hour.

A lot has happened since. My Dad's passing, being the toughest, and hardest transition. He gave me time. We are taking years here. He gave me time! The time I needed to grief. He UNDERSTOOD, every single second. He had been there before. He knew what I needed.

And when the time was right, he called. Then came to visit. Then held me, as I completely crumbled. Because the thing is, the love didn't die. Like it never died between me, and Dr. Baseball. It just changed. But the love was still there.

Today, I have a best friend. That I can just send a simple text to, and he knows my life is completely in a tailspin. At the same time, we can have a twitter convo, for 3 hours, in the middle of the night. Or we can FaceTime some ridiculous comical hour. That has my sides hurting, because we laugh that hard.

It's crazy where life takes us. How relationships can completely change. I'll be the first person to admit, when I'm uncomfortable, I walk away. I build walls, so people never get to know me. I'm the kind of woman, that is quiet, and comfortable with being independent.

But I will admit this. I NEED people too. Even if I don't want to admit it. I NEED them! Like I need oxygen to breathe. And I'm very lucky, to have friends, that fight to stay in my life. No matter the circumstance. They fight. And I'm lucky!

2015 taught me so much! If you've been hanging around these parts, than you know that much! But I look at 2016 as a rebirth. My Mom and I, are slowly learning to live without my Dad. The toughest thing, I'll ever have to experience. Life is so different.

Eventually, I'll have to make the decision, of what's next. You know, I still dream of getting married. And one day having babies. Lots of babies! I know. I even shock myself sometimes. But this year, is making those other tough decisions.

Do I stay in my hometown? Stay close, to take care of my Mom. Buy a home near the hospital. And start my next chapter, working for this hospital, that is so dear to my heart. Do I move back, to my home. The community that welcomed me, with open arms. To my home. Nearly 15 years ago, I moved there. And I fell in love! Or do I chase after dreams. That were once so vivid! And move across the country?

I'm not sure. And that's were January 2016 finds me. Making those decisions. I'm still not really back to work. I do a lot of virtual stuff, for a few hospitals. I fill in at the DOH, a local hospital, and do some community education. Enough to keep my credentials current. But not enough, to really solidify things.

But that's OK. It's been a tough couple of years. When you look at it, not long ago, I had my life mapped out. With the people I wanted. These days, it's putting the puzzle together. Hanging on tight. Listening to my gut. Not taking crap from other people. Mostly, praying on my knees every single night. I know, my Dear Lord wouldn't bring me to it. If he could help me through it.

So 2016, it's me and you. Making these tough decisions. Deciding which way to go. Eventually, life won't feel so crazy. And the millions of years you went to school, won't feel like a total waste. And one day, you'll have your own family. And you'll look back at this time, and think, I made it. No matter what anyone else said. I MADE IT!!! And I have a pretty amazing best friend! ❤