Happy New Year!!!

Well, it was different from last year. More like in years past. But what can I say? It was nice to have a quiet night. Sitting up with my puppy. Watching the ball drop. My Mom and her pup, fast asleep! Happy 2016!!!

The last few years have been tough. Last year, was the worst! I'm looking to 2016, with a glimmer of hope. To change. And to grow. It will definitely be a year of healing. And a year of new beginnings.

To begin with, I'm going to jot down a few things to work on. Maybe more than a few. Something like 32. Since I'm 32.

 1. Take time for myself. At least once a month, have a massage, go get my hair cut, go shopping, sleep until noon, go out to dinner with friends. Something. Anything. Just for myself. And not feel guilty about it.

 2. Take my Mom out on a Mom/Daughter Date, once a month. Something out of our new "normal." My parents used to go out to eat twice a day. Now, I cook almost 100% of the time. So maybe going out to dinner. Or a movie. Perhaps to the museum, or a concert. Maybe a fun day, in a different part of town. Or a day trip. We like day trips. With no real agenda. Just flying by the seat of our pants. Is there any other way?

 3. Be healthy. Simple. I'm not a diet kind of person. I'm not a gym rat. I just want to make better decisions. There was a time, when I measured and weighed all my food. I worked out for at least 3 hours a day. But that was no life. The last year especially, I was just surviving. Stuffing anything into my mouth. And most of my exercise came from running stairs in the middle of the night, while my Dad slept in his hospital room.

 4. Finish my WIPs. If you are at all crafty, you know what I mean. I have so many! I just want to sit and finish them up. At least most of them. Before I start more...

 5. Set up "Family Time." At least once a month, put together a dinner, or activity. For my family. Just to hang out and have fun. We got into a nice little rhythm, during the last 4 months of the year. Game night, family dinners, little parties, parade fun, and trips to the movies. I want to really get this together. One month for the adults. The next for the kiddos. And not just family. Friends too!

 6. Be more open to life. Just in general. Get it together. Appreciate new experiences. Try new things. Talk to more people. Just enjoy things, as they are happening. Don't look at my friends, like they are crazy. Because they are trying to set me up on a date. Go for it! What do you have to loose?

 7. Get back into music. I miss it! At one point, I was in a Girls' Group, a Country Western Band, a Tejano Band, the Symphony, the Opera, a Trio, and a Mariachi. These days, I sing my heart out at home. But I miss performing. I had some pretty horrible experiences in my hometown. But I have to get over it. And try it again. Maybe take up a cycle in the opera. I LOVE the Opera! Or call up the Girls. Can we put together a show again? Maybe try a local Mariachi. Would they even take me serious?

 8. Get ready. You know the drill. When my Dad was sick, I was lucky to get a shower in the morning. I was his primary caregiver. I lived in sweats. Let's be honest, if no one was coming over, and it was a bad day...PJs it was! Sweats was like dressing up. And forget it...leggings is what I wore to go out. You know, to the doctor, or another appointment. Makeup and actually doing my hair...didn't exist! Do you know, I had to go out and buy these things after my Dad passed. Because I had no clue, what I did with my hair straightener, lipstick, heck I couldn't even find a decent pair of shoes. So just getting up and putting on some jeans. Maybe a sweater. Perhaps some mascara, moisturizer, and lipgloss.

 9. With that, polishing my nails. I have way too much nail polish. For any one soul. It has ALWAYS been a guilty pleasure of mine. Now I need to put it to use. Pull it out. And polish my nails. At least once a week!

10. Be more available. I feel like I cut people off. Part of it is, I'm shy by nature. But really, it's not the only reason. I don't return calls. I skim over e-mails...from family and friends. I rarely check other people's social media. I need to reconnect. Get connected to the people around me. Call a friend. Meet someone for coffee. Go out to dinner with my friends.

11. Get a schedule. I guess for so long, life was just completely chaotic. There really was no schedule. It was all about surviving. Really, it was! And these days, I find myself a bit lost. I need to sit down, and get a schedule going. I thrive on organization. And I need to go back to it.

12. Explore my hometown. Maybe we can even extend that to my home state. Over the last couple of months, my Mom and I have ventured out a bit more. Done things that we've always been curious about. I want to keep that up. Trying something new, at least once a month! Man, there are incredible places to visit. Just right outside our door!

13. Leave them behind. And what I really mean is, forget about that part of the family. The ones that keep trying to hurt my Mom and I. Things will never change. And it's just not worth the time, or energy, to try and keep this family together. I just need to realize, blended families don't always make it. It's sad. But they just don't. And this part of the family never accepted us. It's OK. We need to just cut our losses, and move on!

14. Help my Mom. You know, my Dad did almost everything. When he couldn't, he taught me. And I did it. Now, it's time to help my Mom. Maneuver through paying bills, and taxes. I need to teach her all the basic things, of day-to-day life. The stuff my Dad took care of. And help her get things settled. My Dad didn't have a will. And he had a business. And there are a ton of loose ends, that need to be dealt with. We need to get it done, in 2016.

15. Enjoy the mountains. My parents had property in the mountains. It's been forever since we've been out there. For all sorts of reasons. I want to help my Mom get those affairs in order. And start enjoying the place. It's beautiful there! And so peaceful. A great place for friends and family to gather.

16. Start changing up the house. You know, organize it. Get rid of stuff that isn't ours. You'd be shocked at how much stuff, my parents kept for my siblings. It's time to make the house, some place that my Mom enjoys. Turning that old dining room, into a nice craft room. Or media room. Just doing projects, that need to be done. Like changing faucets.

17. Dealing with the business stuff. Like I said, there are a ton of loose ends. It's time to work on those. Cleaning the office out. Getting rid of old files. Figuring out logistics with the district. Getting that all worked through. It's a lot. Especially since our bookkeeper also died...

18. Take more pictures. I fail at this miserably. I hate to take pictures. I don't like how I look. I don't like to haul around a camera. Or my iPad. But now I have an iPhone. It's time to capture memories. I look at my old phone a lot! A LOT!!! And I cherish those moments, that I captured. Of my Dad. In better times. Smiling. And even in his last days. Those precious moments, between he and my Mom.

19. Start a Super Club. Or even a Recipe Club. I miss this most. When I lived at my home, I was very involved. My friends and I enjoyed this so much! Just hanging out. Enjoying a delicious meal. And making things beautiful, for just hanging out. I really want to try that here. Let me know, if you're interested.

20. Get closer to God. I have ALWAYS leaned on our dear Lord. But with troubling times, sometimes we waiver. Sometimes our connection feels, rocked a bit. I want to get back to that connection I once had. When I lived alone, I felt the closest to God. So connected. I want to get back to that.

21. Journaling. There is something about sitting down, and writing your thoughts. Pen to paper. Just for you. Letting your brain "vomit" every single thing out. I want to start doing this again. Daily.

22. Reading. I am a book junky. No lie! It started when I was 2 years old. My Dad was no help! I was every single teachers, favorite student. I bought ever single book, in every single book order. I was in countless book clubs. And the addiction only got worse, the older I got. I NEED to get back to reading. Any good book suggestions?

23. Traveling. There was a time, when I traveled. A LOT!!! Let's say, 5 days out of the week, were on the road. No lie! I miss it. OK, maybe not living out of a suitcase. But I miss seeing new places. the adventure of it. I want to try and plan a couple of trips this year. Nothing fancy. Just get out and go!

24. Make my bedroom, my sanctuary. There was a time, when I felt like my bedroom was just for me. A soft place to land, in a hard world. When I lived alone, it was my space. For me. Things completely changed, when I moved back to my hometown. It's time to do that again. Make me a beautiful space.

25. Plan something for my Daddy. I don't know. Maybe a birthday party for him. Or a celebration of life, for his First Anniversary. Maybe make his fundraiser a BIG deal. Just something. I need to get moving on this!

26. Figure out my job situation. I went to school for a million years. Just as my career was taking off, I came home. I worked enough, just enough, to keep my credentials. Now I'm not sure if it's what I want to do. It doesn't have the same flair, it once did. I feel myself, being pulled in other directions. I need to explore this a bit. Make those tough decisions.

27. Have fun. I need to not take life, so seriously. I need to stop looking over my shoulder. My siblings are crazy. But I need to live. I need to laugh. And be silly. I need to dance. And sing. And play with my new puppy. I just need to be me.

28. Save money. When I say, I drained every penny, from every one of my bank accounts...I'm not lying. It was necessary. To take care of my Dad. For his funeral. To get his business, to the finish line. Now, I need to start saving again. Daddy didn't raise no idiot. There will be another rainy day. I need to be ready.

29. Decide where I'm going to live. Will it be my hometown? To take care of my Mom. Will it be for a year? And I continue to live with her. Will it be longer? And I decide to buy a house here. Will I go home? And pick up the pieces of my life. Or will I move across the country. And continue to chase my dreams. I need to figure this out.

30. Be more giving. Of my time, talents, and money. I have lots of life experiences, that can benefit others. Maybe in terms of continuing with the Support Groups. Maybe volunteering. It's a new chapter of life. And I just want to give back.

31. Get another puppy. A little one, to be buddies with my baby. Or two big dogs, to protect us. This will depend on where I live. But another dog is in my not so distant future...

32. Heal. I just need to allow myself to heal. To grieve. Not to rush anything. To take it, a day at a time. To enjoy the memories. Let the tears flow. And continue with the process.

So there you go. A long list. But heck, we have 12 months! 52 weeks. 365 days. I'm sure to get through it all. And if I don't, it's OK too. Life always has some lesson to teach you. Enjoy the ride! Happy 2016!!! ❤

Simple Sunday 3: Pom Pom Heart Necklace

It's just shy of a month, until Valentine's Day. It's cold outside. I can't find these guys on TV. There are no races to watch. My team is out for the season. And I dearly miss watching these guys. There's not even a good movie on this channel! What's a girl to do on a Sunday like this?

Did I mention Valentine's Day? Not my favorite day of the year. But one that is fun to celebrate with the itty bitties in my life. And being back home, has made it really fun. You know to celebrate holidays. My Little Cousin J, makes my day! She gets so excited over the little things. So does my Little Buddy J.

So I've been looking for something fun to make them. A little bit of fun, a dash of silliness, and tons of love! Guess what I found? Every little lady's dream...pom poms, hearts, and a necklace!

Isn't this so cute? I thought so. Jess has so many GREAT ideas! I've been following her blog for years. Probably from the beginning of her blogging days. And her ideas never get old. This little necklace is just the right amount of fun, sass, and Valentine's Day! I'm not sure how I missed it 2 years ago...when Jess posted it. But I'm definitely making some, for the cuties in my life. I might even sneak in a few for an upcoming Craft Fair. ❤

Crochet Inspiration 2: Snowflake Ornament...Turned Into A Snowflake Garland

I was looking for something fun to crochet. Something to add to my Dad's hospital room. You know, these rooms are a little boring and bland. And since it looks like it will be a few weeks until we get home, I need to add a little something-something to this place.

I was thinking of a garland. But Valentine's Day decorations are just a little too much right now. I'm thinking something for winter. A little bit of fun and whimsy. Then I thought about this little snowflake...

 

So I'm thinking, these little snowflakes, made into a garland. With a few wintery blue colors. 7 white, 6 little blue, and 6 medium blue...connected with white. I think it would make for a fun garland. You know, with all this weird winter weather that we are having. I think we need some snowflakes. Real snowflakes. Not the pretend things, that are all over the weather maps...and never make it to the sky.

 

Recently, I was telling a friend of mine, that patterns are just a little "roadmap" for you. It's there. It gives you an idea, or a direction. But it's not the "end all." You can change that pattern around. You can add to it. You can use a pattern like this, to add an applique to a hat, scarf, or even a blanket. Lots of times, I find a cute appliques, to make different garlands.

 

So the next time you see a cute applique, ornament, or other little trinket...think of all the things you can make with that pattern. This pattern, I've added to a scarf and hat recently. And it really came out nice. My little cousin likes that she has a "Frozen" hat and scarf. Funny how she made that connection. But it's a nice little treat. ❤

Crochet Inspiration 1: Pom-Pom Crochet Blanket

It's been so cold round here! We haven't gotten much in the "snow department." Well, not here in my hometown anyway. But the snow has been falling all the way around us. Literally! My home, just a few hours south, got nearly a foot of snow!

So you can just imagine. Cold! And I all I want to do, is wrap myself up in a blanket. And take a nap. Or read a good book. Let's be honest, I want to be warm and a little lazy! But we've been in the hospital for what's seems like forever and a day! And I usually only go outside, every other day. But still, this cold, just makes me want a nice warm blanket!

I was doing a little blog reading on Sunday night. My Dad was having a very restless night. And I didn't want to make too much noise. But I needed to keep on eye on him. The tech for our unit called in sick. And the staff was a little short handed. So in the dark, I caught up on blogs.

I can't even remember what blog post I was reading, but I saw this incredibly cute blanket. Jess always has such cute things on her blog. I kept reading. And hoping, I'd find the source of this blanket. Something about it, was screaming, "Make Me!"

 

I found it in an earlier post. Jess designed this beauty! I just don't know what it is. This blanket just looks fun! I love the pom-pom action. The color. The casual feel of the blanket. And that chair! If anyone knows where I can find one, let me know. ASAP! I LOVE the bones of this chair! Now I'm off to see, if this guy will go do a yarn run for me! ;) Maybe I'll have a fun blanket, by this weekend. ❤

Sassy Saturday 1: Julep's Shelly

It's Saturday. I'm tired. But also feeling sassy. I know! It's like day 100 in the hospital...no really, day 11. But who's counting. ;) And I should be sick of this place. Especially since I didn't go to sleep until 3:30AM...and I just woke up. But it's life. And I'm looking for something good, to start my day off with...

So as I made my peppermint hot cocoa. Hot chocolate with a candy cane. I save this hot treat, for the weekends. And everyone watches me, because I guess it's strange to see someone walking around with a candy cane in their hot chocolate. But it puts a smile on my face! And then, I spotted my nails.  And my smile grew. Because they are pretty wonderful, at the moment. So I have to share...

Julep's Shelly. I got it in my Julep box this month. Hello! January 3rd...that's today! And I already have this month's box. GREAT service if you ask me! That also includes a couple of days, for this guy to pick up the mail. At my parents' house, and bring it to us at the hospital. I'm telling you, Julep has great service!

Besides all these reasons, this color is gorgeous! And it's a crème finish. $14 or $11.20 if you are a maven. Or if you are lucky like me, part of your monthly box! But really, I'd buy this color, if it hadn't come in my box. It reminds me of those Dove mint chocolates. The ones that I polished off 2 bags, by myself, since our Christmas Party. Yum!

Julep's description of the color is "wintermint." To me, it's more of a "wintery" mint color. Think Spring...and the perfect mint green dress. But a little more "Winter Wonderland." Then you have it! I guess it just brightened up my morning. And I had to share. Between the dreariness of the hospital, and the freezing weather outside, this is the perfect distraction for me! ❤

Crochet Inspiration 27: Baby Panda

Is anyone else still trying to get their Christmas presents bought? How about finished up...you know, if you are a crafter. Well, I am. Mostly because life has been crazy around here. And since we are going to be in the hospital for the next week or so, my gifts this year are going to be homemade.

Most are done. But then, I had a ton of orders to fill. And Christmas came fast. So yes, I sold a few of the gifts I had made my family. I have a few left to remake. Mostly hats. Some toys. And a scarf. But I thought, we needed something fun in the hospital. In pops...a baby panda!

Isn't this panda outfit cute? Well, I thought so. I'm going to make the hat for my little cousin. She just turned 7 months old. I'm thinking of adding a little pink bow, to the right ear area. And then, I just might make one for an upcoming Craft Fair. :)

And just for a second, can we talk about this awesome blog? All About Ami. I literally stumbled on it. Because I was looking for a baby panda hat. And I was a little tired of all the character hats, that I've made this holiday season. I just wanted something adorable. But All About Ami...definitely one of my new favorite blogs! ❤

Crochet Inspiration 26: Snowmen for Two Little Men

We're just 2 days away from Christmas! And I found out just a few days ago, that my cousin is coming from Virginia. And her brother is also coming to town. He lives a few hours away. Both with their new spouses. And baby boys. One of the boys is 2 months old. The other is 7 months old. You know, totally adorable.

 

But that means, I need some quick gifts. And because my 2 cousins are very competitive, I decided I needed to make the same thing for both baby boys. You know, we've got to be 100% fair. And I wanted it to be something homemade. But it needs to be simple. Something that can be worked up in 2 days. Then I remembered these 2 little snowmen...

 

We all know about Sarah's cute snowman. And I think he will be just perfect. Minus the little flower. You know...it could be a choking hazard.

And I thought a snowman hat would be perfect. It doesn't get really cold here, but Virginia gets it's fair share of snow. And winter. So why not? I'm thinking one can be red, the other blue. Add in some grey for fun. And a few cute buttons. Just a little modifications. Well, I better grab my hook and yarn...and get busy! Merry Christmas Eve Eve!!! ❤ 

Crochet Inspiration 25: Out & About

At the beginning of the month, My Mom and I sold at our church's Christmas Craft Fair. We did so good. And sold a ton of stuff! I mean a ton! Many items that we'd had for a while. But we kept a little list of the top sellers. You know, we only have about 6 weeks to stock up. You know, before our next sale. :)

Well, I was trying to stock up on some of these items. One being a certain scarf. The real story being, my sister wanted a dark purple scarf that we had. She put it down, to look at a few other things. In case you don't know, my sister works on TV shows and movies. So she works long, crazy hours. And hadn't had time to go shopping. I think she did a good 50% of her shopping in one afternoon. Our fellow crafters, were very happy!

But when my sister put that purple scarf down, and a friend of ours...well she bought it. So I thought, I could make my sister the whole set for Christmas. Something that matched. In her favorite color. So she doesn't freeze on set, at 3AM.

Then I hit a snag. I couldn't find the pattern. Anywhere! And my sister is headed to Croatia. For 2 months! And I got a call. From a lady at church. Wanting to order 5 sets! What to do???

Fast forward almost 10 days, and I still couldn't find the pattern. I searched our containers of patterns. I searched online. And then I started asking friends. I kept coming up empty handed.

Finally I realized, when Coats & Clark merged their free patterns with Red Heart, not everything made the move. This pattern happened to be one of those...

So as any other crafter would do, I kept on searching. Then I remembered the pattern is called "Out & About." A few Google searches later...I found Purple Kitty Yarns. And the pattern! Don't you just LOVE it?!?!?! Now I better get to crocheting. ❤

Wishful Wednesday 24: North Pole Breakfast 2014

There are a ton of things I wish for in life. 90% of them, are not material items. I wish for things like a loving man, to share my life with. Really share it. All parts of my life. I want kids. I've wanted ninitos, since before I can remember. When I was little, I would dream of having a dozen babies! And living on this guy's grandparents' Ranch. Crazy, huh!

But I'm nearly 32 years old. I'm the primary caregiver of my Dad. I have left 99% of my life behind, to care of my Dad. The man that I thought, hung the moon, stars, and heck...the entire sky! My Dad who was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer...not even 6 months ago!

I used to dream of my "Prince Charming." My Dad walking me down the aisle, in my perfect white dress. To have all those babies. And to create the most AMAZING life!

But in all reality, even prior to coming home, to take care of my Dad...my life was not on "that track." Not at all! I didn't have a man to love...that shared in my life 100%. Not one that came home with me, for holidays with my family. I was not close to marriage. And what seemed like a million miles from parenthood.

And no matter how much, I felt that hole in my heart, I couldn't find my way out. I'd set up wonderful days with my friends ninitos. We'd bake, decorate, and sometimes deliver treats. We'd have big sleepovers at my home...20 little girls and me. Tia was dearly outnumbered! But I LOVED it! We'd play dolls, bake, watch princess movies, play with my shoes, dance around my home, do lots of crafting, and comb each others hair.

It was not always rainbows and puppy dog tails. Heck no! I think we can all remember the day, that 5 boxes...not containers...of sprinkles made it into my carpet. Or the night I had 1 little bitty girl, throwing up all over the place...and 15 more, fast asleep. There was even that time, when the fire ants attacked 3 kiddos in my care.

But my heart still yearns for those things I dreamt of, as a little girl. Babies of my own. A husband to share this life with. And fun traditions, that would be for my family.

And then I read Andrea's blog last week. And I literally cried! Right there in the middle of the infusion room. With my Dad's oncologist looking at me, like I've totally flipped out. I didn't just cry. I balled! Because that life, that I've always wanted, seems so far away! And this post, reminded me of everything I've given up in this life...

 

Honestly, this is the sweetest little tradition! Something that I did with my own Goddaughters, years ago. Setting the scene for the holiday season. A morning full of fun, laughter, and cheer! And as much as this post, made me cry...I feel good.

 

Why? Because one day, I hope to get back to this life. I hope to make it even better. I want to be an amazing mom like Andrea. To have fun holidays. To teach my kids about God. To show them the love, that I've carried my entire life...just for them.

 

I'm not sad this week. I'm hopeful. I feel like I have this little wish, planted deep in my soul. And I know one day, God has a plan for me. Whether my life is shared with my own kids, or with the ninitos God sends into my path. My little cousins, nieces, nephews, Goddaughters, friends. And as fun as this looks...this year for me, is all about grace. I'm learning to be happy with the little things in life. And how to file these little gems, away for a time that is not so chaotic. So touch and go. God is great! And I know he has a plan for me. I will leave it all up to him. ❤

Crochet Inspiration 24: Snowman Purse

'Tis the season. You know...candy canes, Christmas trees, and Santa. Did I mention that I haven't decorated. At all! This is not me. I usually have the entire house, outside and in, decorated. Like every surface is covered in something glittery, shiny, or twinkly.

But this year, I just haven't been into it. In 10 days, we are having our company Christmas party. I got to get moving on this stuff. I haven't even done 10% of my Christmas shopping. I know. I know people. 16 days until Christmas...

So I've been looking for some crafting inspiration. Especially, for the little ones. My Little Cousin J has LOVED everything "Snowman" since I can remember. Frosty is her guy. She will watch Frosty the Snowman...at least 100 times. That's between Thanksgiving and Christmas. After Christmas, they hide the movie from her!

She'll be 5 next month. And is now in Pre-K. So I've been hunting down a little something special for her. I wanted a little bag of some sort. Something she could carry with her. She likes to have little bags to stash her ice cream money, lipgloss, and special little toys. I did a quick search on Etsy, and look what I found...

A snowman purse! I about died. The cuteness alone, just got me. And honestly, this close to Christmas...with chemo and everything else we have going on...I should just buy it. But my Little Cousin J, she just adores when I make her stuff. :)

I think I can have this little gem, made in about a day. I'm thinking a purple "hat" with pink cheeks. Her two favorite colors. And maybe, if I have time, making a pink one for my pal Little J. I think these are so much fun! Better than the stockings, that I was going to write their names on. Bonus...I already have tons of treats to fill them with! Happy Tuesday! ❤