But life happened. All of a sudden, the fact that he lived across the country from my family, it mattered. His job, the one he couldn't leave, it became a tough place. Something we had never faced before. And my Dad's health, well it was #1 on both our lists...
So I came home. To take care of my Dad. Slowly I began that process. That letting go. I don't think HE saw it coming. In fact, I know he didn't. I went through three homes, nearby, that he had bought. At the time, and in fact if you asked him right now, he'd tell you he bought them for me. So we would have a place to be. And I could spend time with my family.
I went through those homes. Took my personal things. And packed up the rest. Slowly. It was a process. One that took a while. One that I did painstakingly, through the wee hours of the night. And one day, I made that tough call. He came. And we had that heartbreaking talk.
The one thing I will say, is that he completely understood. He had lost his dad. Suddenly, without any kind of warning. And he totally got it. Why I needed to be home. Why my Dad needed me. Why at this point of my life, I needed to be home. He got it. Didn't agree with parting ways. But he understood.
For months, I know he hounded my besties. He wanted to make sure I was a OK. He followed my social media. Which I was doing a horrible job at keeping up. He was sending me encouraging text messages. But we didn't talk. Life was just going 100 miles an hour.
A lot has happened since. My Dad's passing, being the toughest, and hardest transition. He gave me time. We are taking years here. He gave me time! The time I needed to grief. He UNDERSTOOD, every single second. He had been there before. He knew what I needed.
And when the time was right, he called. Then came to visit. Then held me, as I completely crumbled. Because the thing is, the love didn't die. Like it never died between me, and Dr. Baseball. It just changed. But the love was still there.
Today, I have a best friend. That I can just send a simple text to, and he knows my life is completely in a tailspin. At the same time, we can have a twitter convo, for 3 hours, in the middle of the night. Or we can FaceTime some ridiculous comical hour. That has my sides hurting, because we laugh that hard.
It's crazy where life takes us. How relationships can completely change. I'll be the first person to admit, when I'm uncomfortable, I walk away. I build walls, so people never get to know me. I'm the kind of woman, that is quiet, and comfortable with being independent.
But I will admit this. I NEED people too. Even if I don't want to admit it. I NEED them! Like I need oxygen to breathe. And I'm very lucky, to have friends, that fight to stay in my life. No matter the circumstance. They fight. And I'm lucky!
2015 taught me so much! If you've been hanging around these parts, than you know that much! But I look at 2016 as a rebirth. My Mom and I, are slowly learning to live without my Dad. The toughest thing, I'll ever have to experience. Life is so different.
Eventually, I'll have to make the decision, of what's next. You know, I still dream of getting married. And one day having babies. Lots of babies! I know. I even shock myself sometimes. But this year, is making those other tough decisions.
Do I stay in my hometown? Stay close, to take care of my Mom. Buy a home near the hospital. And start my next chapter, working for this hospital, that is so dear to my heart. Do I move back, to my home. The community that welcomed me, with open arms. To my home. Nearly 15 years ago, I moved there. And I fell in love! Or do I chase after dreams. That were once so vivid! And move across the country?
I'm not sure. And that's were January 2016 finds me. Making those decisions. I'm still not really back to work. I do a lot of virtual stuff, for a few hospitals. I fill in at the DOH, a local hospital, and do some community education. Enough to keep my credentials current. But not enough, to really solidify things.
But that's OK. It's been a tough couple of years. When you look at it, not long ago, I had my life mapped out. With the people I wanted. These days, it's putting the puzzle together. Hanging on tight. Listening to my gut. Not taking crap from other people. Mostly, praying on my knees every single night. I know, my Dear Lord wouldn't bring me to it. If he could help me through it.
So 2016, it's me and you. Making these tough decisions. Deciding which way to go. Eventually, life won't feel so crazy. And the millions of years you went to school, won't feel like a total waste. And one day, you'll have your own family. And you'll look back at this time, and think, I made it. No matter what anyone else said. I MADE IT!!! And I have a pretty amazing best friend! ❤
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