The last few years have been tough. Last year, was the worst! I'm looking to 2016, with a glimmer of hope. To change. And to grow. It will definitely be a year of healing. And a year of new beginnings.
To begin with, I'm going to jot down a few things to work on. Maybe more than a few. Something like 32. Since I'm 32.
1. Take time for myself. At least once a month, have a massage, go get my hair cut, go shopping, sleep until noon, go out to dinner with friends. Something. Anything. Just for myself. And not feel guilty about it.
2. Take my Mom out on a Mom/Daughter Date, once a month. Something out of our new "normal." My parents used to go out to eat twice a day. Now, I cook almost 100% of the time. So maybe going out to dinner. Or a movie. Perhaps to the museum, or a concert. Maybe a fun day, in a different part of town. Or a day trip. We like day trips. With no real agenda. Just flying by the seat of our pants. Is there any other way?
3. Be healthy. Simple. I'm not a diet kind of person. I'm not a gym rat. I just want to make better decisions. There was a time, when I measured and weighed all my food. I worked out for at least 3 hours a day. But that was no life. The last year especially, I was just surviving. Stuffing anything into my mouth. And most of my exercise came from running stairs in the middle of the night, while my Dad slept in his hospital room.
4. Finish my WIPs. If you are at all crafty, you know what I mean. I have so many! I just want to sit and finish them up. At least most of them. Before I start more...
5. Set up "Family Time." At least once a month, put together a dinner, or activity. For my family. Just to hang out and have fun. We got into a nice little rhythm, during the last 4 months of the year. Game night, family dinners, little parties, parade fun, and trips to the movies. I want to really get this together. One month for the adults. The next for the kiddos. And not just family. Friends too!
6. Be more open to life. Just in general. Get it together. Appreciate new experiences. Try new things. Talk to more people. Just enjoy things, as they are happening. Don't look at my friends, like they are crazy. Because they are trying to set me up on a date. Go for it! What do you have to loose?
7. Get back into music. I miss it! At one point, I was in a Girls' Group, a Country Western Band, a Tejano Band, the Symphony, the Opera, a Trio, and a Mariachi. These days, I sing my heart out at home. But I miss performing. I had some pretty horrible experiences in my hometown. But I have to get over it. And try it again. Maybe take up a cycle in the opera. I LOVE the Opera! Or call up the Girls. Can we put together a show again? Maybe try a local Mariachi. Would they even take me serious?
8. Get ready. You know the drill. When my Dad was sick, I was lucky to get a shower in the morning. I was his primary caregiver. I lived in sweats. Let's be honest, if no one was coming over, and it was a bad day...PJs it was! Sweats was like dressing up. And forget it...leggings is what I wore to go out. You know, to the doctor, or another appointment. Makeup and actually doing my hair...didn't exist! Do you know, I had to go out and buy these things after my Dad passed. Because I had no clue, what I did with my hair straightener, lipstick, heck I couldn't even find a decent pair of shoes. So just getting up and putting on some jeans. Maybe a sweater. Perhaps some mascara, moisturizer, and lipgloss.
9. With that, polishing my nails. I have way too much nail polish. For any one soul. It has ALWAYS been a guilty pleasure of mine. Now I need to put it to use. Pull it out. And polish my nails. At least once a week!
10. Be more available. I feel like I cut people off. Part of it is, I'm shy by nature. But really, it's not the only reason. I don't return calls. I skim over e-mails...from family and friends. I rarely check other people's social media. I need to reconnect. Get connected to the people around me. Call a friend. Meet someone for coffee. Go out to dinner with my friends.
11. Get a schedule. I guess for so long, life was just completely chaotic. There really was no schedule. It was all about surviving. Really, it was! And these days, I find myself a bit lost. I need to sit down, and get a schedule going. I thrive on organization. And I need to go back to it.
12. Explore my hometown. Maybe we can even extend that to my home state. Over the last couple of months, my Mom and I have ventured out a bit more. Done things that we've always been curious about. I want to keep that up. Trying something new, at least once a month! Man, there are incredible places to visit. Just right outside our door!
13. Leave them behind. And what I really mean is, forget about that part of the family. The ones that keep trying to hurt my Mom and I. Things will never change. And it's just not worth the time, or energy, to try and keep this family together. I just need to realize, blended families don't always make it. It's sad. But they just don't. And this part of the family never accepted us. It's OK. We need to just cut our losses, and move on!
14. Help my Mom. You know, my Dad did almost everything. When he couldn't, he taught me. And I did it. Now, it's time to help my Mom. Maneuver through paying bills, and taxes. I need to teach her all the basic things, of day-to-day life. The stuff my Dad took care of. And help her get things settled. My Dad didn't have a will. And he had a business. And there are a ton of loose ends, that need to be dealt with. We need to get it done, in 2016.
15. Enjoy the mountains. My parents had property in the mountains. It's been forever since we've been out there. For all sorts of reasons. I want to help my Mom get those affairs in order. And start enjoying the place. It's beautiful there! And so peaceful. A great place for friends and family to gather.
16. Start changing up the house. You know, organize it. Get rid of stuff that isn't ours. You'd be shocked at how much stuff, my parents kept for my siblings. It's time to make the house, some place that my Mom enjoys. Turning that old dining room, into a nice craft room. Or media room. Just doing projects, that need to be done. Like changing faucets.
17. Dealing with the business stuff. Like I said, there are a ton of loose ends. It's time to work on those. Cleaning the office out. Getting rid of old files. Figuring out logistics with the district. Getting that all worked through. It's a lot. Especially since our bookkeeper also died...
18. Take more pictures. I fail at this miserably. I hate to take pictures. I don't like how I look. I don't like to haul around a camera. Or my iPad. But now I have an iPhone. It's time to capture memories. I look at my old phone a lot! A LOT!!! And I cherish those moments, that I captured. Of my Dad. In better times. Smiling. And even in his last days. Those precious moments, between he and my Mom.
19. Start a Super Club. Or even a Recipe Club. I miss this most. When I lived at my home, I was very involved. My friends and I enjoyed this so much! Just hanging out. Enjoying a delicious meal. And making things beautiful, for just hanging out. I really want to try that here. Let me know, if you're interested.
20. Get closer to God. I have ALWAYS leaned on our dear Lord. But with troubling times, sometimes we waiver. Sometimes our connection feels, rocked a bit. I want to get back to that connection I once had. When I lived alone, I felt the closest to God. So connected. I want to get back to that.
21. Journaling. There is something about sitting down, and writing your thoughts. Pen to paper. Just for you. Letting your brain "vomit" every single thing out. I want to start doing this again. Daily.
22. Reading. I am a book junky. No lie! It started when I was 2 years old. My Dad was no help! I was every single teachers, favorite student. I bought ever single book, in every single book order. I was in countless book clubs. And the addiction only got worse, the older I got. I NEED to get back to reading. Any good book suggestions?
23. Traveling. There was a time, when I traveled. A LOT!!! Let's say, 5 days out of the week, were on the road. No lie! I miss it. OK, maybe not living out of a suitcase. But I miss seeing new places. the adventure of it. I want to try and plan a couple of trips this year. Nothing fancy. Just get out and go!
24. Make my bedroom, my sanctuary. There was a time, when I felt like my bedroom was just for me. A soft place to land, in a hard world. When I lived alone, it was my space. For me. Things completely changed, when I moved back to my hometown. It's time to do that again. Make me a beautiful space.
25. Plan something for my Daddy. I don't know. Maybe a birthday party for him. Or a celebration of life, for his First Anniversary. Maybe make his fundraiser a BIG deal. Just something. I need to get moving on this!
26. Figure out my job situation. I went to school for a million years. Just as my career was taking off, I came home. I worked enough, just enough, to keep my credentials. Now I'm not sure if it's what I want to do. It doesn't have the same flair, it once did. I feel myself, being pulled in other directions. I need to explore this a bit. Make those tough decisions.
27. Have fun. I need to not take life, so seriously. I need to stop looking over my shoulder. My siblings are crazy. But I need to live. I need to laugh. And be silly. I need to dance. And sing. And play with my new puppy. I just need to be me.
28. Save money. When I say, I drained every penny, from every one of my bank accounts...I'm not lying. It was necessary. To take care of my Dad. For his funeral. To get his business, to the finish line. Now, I need to start saving again. Daddy didn't raise no idiot. There will be another rainy day. I need to be ready.
29. Decide where I'm going to live. Will it be my hometown? To take care of my Mom. Will it be for a year? And I continue to live with her. Will it be longer? And I decide to buy a house here. Will I go home? And pick up the pieces of my life. Or will I move across the country. And continue to chase my dreams. I need to figure this out.
30. Be more giving. Of my time, talents, and money. I have lots of life experiences, that can benefit others. Maybe in terms of continuing with the Support Groups. Maybe volunteering. It's a new chapter of life. And I just want to give back.
31. Get another puppy. A little one, to be buddies with my baby. Or two big dogs, to protect us. This will depend on where I live. But another dog is in my not so distant future...
32. Heal. I just need to allow myself to heal. To grieve. Not to rush anything. To take it, a day at a time. To enjoy the memories. Let the tears flow. And continue with the process.
So there you go. A long list. But heck, we have 12 months! 52 weeks. 365 days. I'm sure to get through it all. And if I don't, it's OK too. Life always has some lesson to teach you. Enjoy the ride! Happy 2016!!! ❤
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